son of a biscuit

There a few things more annoying in the morning than waking up in the middle of a sleep cycle and that is what happened this morning. hrumph! I had ample sleep but I hit the eye-opening point when I had just entered into the "remembering my dream" stage (and it was an interesting dream, too). I sat there in bed feeling like I was just run over by a semi. Kind of a crumby way to start the day, eh?

A couple of cups of joe later, I am starting to feel as human as I possibly can. I predict this is going to one of those want-to-giggle-at-everything days. At least this makes these kind of days amusing. Now, for some reason, I want biscuits.

Happy Friday, critters! I'm off to work.

zzzzzzz...wha? morning already?!?!

To sleep, perchance to...well, sleep. I so enjoy sleep. A time in life that included afternoon naps seemed so much brighter. When I have had consecutive full nights of sleep, I am mentally sharper, physically calmer and happier. Yet, knowing this...having experienced this...I have, as of late, been robbing myself of sleep. Life and career has interrupted my afternoon naps. But I am the sleep thief at night. I enjoy the feeling of calm I experience in the evening with leisurely pursuits of reading, spending time with Groovy and Sherman and expressing some creativity. I love the pre-bed yoga that helps me transition from awake to sleep (thought that has been happening around 11:30 pm). Especially on the days that my work schedule mandates me staying in the office until 9:00pm followed by a 27 mile commute home, I need to unwind and indulge in the evening rituals.

The timeline is taking it's toll and it is time for a change. You know how I know this? My normal 1.5 cups of morning java just became a 3 cup event. Tonight, I yoga and transition earlier. That is the plan at least.

Now, where did I place that coffee mug?

to sleep perchance to....not wake up until morning

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Originally uploaded by misslissa13

I have not been sleeping well lately. I fall asleep no problem, but inevitably wake up at 3 or 4 in the morning. Weekdays, weekends, it does not matter. Then I lay there, wide eyed trying to force them closed. I toss and turn and my thoughts are all over the place. My only solution is to get up and turn the television on and then, like magic, I am able to fall back to sleep for an hour. The biggest problem is the couch is not so comfortable anymore. Misshapen cushions and pillows. It is a sofa bed so I probably should open the dang thing up. Maybe I will try just going to sleep on that to see if I can get a full night sleep without waking up. I guess anything is worth a try since this has been going on for at least two weeks now. Perhaps the strangest thing is I am able to function throughout the day and feel relatively awake in the late evening.

Hey Universe! What's going on with this lack of sleep thing?

would you like dressing with that?

I think I am suffering some form of Alan Shore's word salad, except that it is not my spoken word that is messed up, I think my brain just does not have the ability to comprehend words or function properly....and I am not James Spader. I know I have mentioned some of this in my previous posts but I think there are multiple reasons for this. I have been having some difficulty with sleep: waking up too early, being tired but oddly awake when I get into bed and I even conked out on the couch after work yesterday. So I am oh-so-tired. I am sure all the noise and stuff in the air at work is whacking my mind out too. Listen to a jackhammer cracking cement for hours on end is even enough to irritate the Buddha, if you ask me. Plus, the burning eyes cause additional distraction. I have been a little bit on the sick side, so my body is "off" that way too. (One would think that the doctor's office would, I don't know, actual call back and tell you the course of treatment but why would I think they would do their job??? No need for alarm, this is nothing major by any means. Just annoying and making me feel blah.) Top all this with the typical stress of job hunting and planning the move makes for a discombobulated Melissa-brain.

One example of how bad this is getting: I was over at the girls' shelter, which is one of the locations I do therapy. The staff was in a whirlwind of busy, so when the phone rang I answered for them. It was another staff member who is extremely articulate. She spoke clearly yet none of the words were computing in my brain. I asked her to repeat them, but I just could not get it. I handed the phone off in the midst of my confusion. Thank god the staff members that were there have a good sense of humor. I also do not seem to have the drive or the mind power to focus on all the paperwork I need to complete before I leave. Senior moments in my 30s? I doubt it. I just think my body and mind are simply taxed right now. Of course, taking a day off would do me a world of good, but can I really do that when I only have 2.5 weeks left? Two more days until the weekend. I think I can hack it...I know I can hack it...just maybe not to the best of my ability. Perhaps I will take a walk after work, come home and relax and get to bed early so my mind will get back to some semblance of sharpness. Here's to hoping!



So, have you ever felt this way or is it just me?

dreams and waking

I often have dreams involving buildings, houses usually. Ones that I have never seen/experienced in waking life. Last night I had one about a house which had a section of my parents backyard and a dining room/kitchen like a beautiful Gilded Age hotel of sorts. It was white marble and bright with a mirror backsplash and was filled with friends and loved ones who were not people from waking life. I was preparing and serving a meal to welcome these friends and many of them were greeting me with hugs. I embodied the comfort of each embrace and the joy of being able to treat these folks with kindness and hospitality. I was able to readily receive their love and appreciation. Some embraces felt like home and incredibly nurturing, and nurturing is something I feel I thrive on in life, both providing and receiving.

What a pleasure to be able to conjure this from the recesses of my mind, especially after the difficult evening I experienced. Spine out, body temperature high and unwavering, mild yet consistent headache, emotional meltdown and the inability to readily fall asleep. Luckily, I slept rather "flat" and my spine is feeling quite a bit better this morning. I still feel warm and muscle-knotty, and still a little crooked spined. When I finally drifted into sleep, it was deep and solid, but the alarm screamed at me much too soon, forcing me into some weak state of awake. I am still a bit foggy but I am relying on the gifts from Juan Valdez now and I have acupuncture later.