ugh

I have been mad sick all weekend. Spent most of it in bed and am feeling slightly better today. Now my energy lull of last week makes sense. I must have been trying to fight this nasty little bugger off, but alas and alack, it won. I will be heading to work, but I'm going to cancel most of my end of day appointments to try and get back into bed as soon as possible. At least I am on the mend. I should be back to my full self again soon.

spin's baa-aack!

20.365
Originally uploaded by misslissa13

Woke up this morning and it was back.

The spinning room.
The tilting floor.
The nausea.

ugh

I had to call in sick (and I have no sick time yet) and hit the walk in clinic today. (Due to some sort of screw up with my health insurance not starting when it was supposed to.)
The doc drugged me up to deal with inner ear problems due to seasonal allergies (Yay! Welcome back to Long Island and the horrific allergens, Melissa.)

At this point, I'll take what I have to in order to stop the room from spinning and making me want to yack.

It's an inner ear thing like I had suspected a couple of weeks ago. This will likely be a reoccurring issue. GRRRRRR!!!! Long Island has horrible allergen levels and we live in a basement apartment (double whammy).

I am going to have to get crazy consistent with the neti pot once the meds are done, and try to be more diligent with avoiding possible foods that can exasperate the problem.

Nothing like a few good bouts with vertigo to get one's butt in gear towards better self care.

sick and too hard on myself

Upon rising from bed the room whipped around so quickly, I stumbled over to the left (yes, the left). Apparently, my sinuses had some hidden congestion that it wasn't letting my nose in on; I could breathe just fine but, oh, the spinning! I resorted to taking some sinus meds first thing, but an hour later every turn, tilt or bend of the head sent me on a nauseating roller coaster ride....and I usually love roller coasters (read: obsessed even). But this was not fun. I felt my head heat up and the decongestant did nothing but make me thirsty. Needless to say, I called in sick at work. There was no way I would have been able to drive in any semblance of a straight line. (I know, you never go straight, go forward. If you stay straight you eventually hit something. Forward has more leeway. But I digress.)

The first three hours at home, I was only able to keep my head in one position in order to cease the spins. Was this a comfortable position? Not particularly. I had to keep it tilted at about a 47 degree angle, directly back. The second round of sinus meds slowed the room around enough to lay down on my side or back and doze off to some boring daytime television. After my second and third naps of the day, I found my inner critic whipping me from behind squealing, "What are you doing wasting your day just watching television and snoozing???? Get up and be productive! You should be cleaning and packing and doing stuff!!!" And so the battle began. Evil Critic on one shoulder jabbing me in the temple with a hot poker, and Sickly Angle-like Being on the standing on my right kneecap weakly shouting back, "You're sick! Be kind to yourself and your body and nap, nap, nap. It is okay." But Evil Critic was relentless with her jeering.

However, sick sometimes beats evil so I did nothing productive. I'm still looking around at all the stuff that needs to get done, sighing with despair, but my body is saying, "Thank you, thank you, thank you!" I guess I could try reasoning with Evil Critic, but sometimes it's just as easy to flick her off my shoulder and into the pile of empty boxes that need to be filled.

sick day

I rarely call in sick to work, but today I did. After four nights of horrible sleep, I woke up feeling headache-y (probably a combination of sinus/caffeine withdrawal), achy joints (common when I am dehydrated) and still very tired. I decided to take the day for a few reasons. First, I have over 45 hours of sick time accrued (told you I rarely call in sick, never at this job). I try to live as healthy a lifestyle as possible so (knock on wood) I rarely get ill. Second, when I am feeling "off", my anxiety level raises which suppresses the immune system more. Not a good combination indeed. And lastly, I don't want to end up extremely sick.

After my experience at the end of grad school, I am leery of not taking care of myself and that snowballing into being physically and mentally incapacitated for an extended period of time. I was working on my thesis and finishing up my last semester when I had gotten a cold. Typically colds run the course of moving either up or down: head, then to the throat and finally the chest, or vice-versa. Well, due to extreme exhaustion, stress and lack of sleep, that cold kept ping-ponging around my body and that in combination with the intensity of grad school resulted in me having extreme anxiety. Luckily, with some good doctors and medications, I was able to finish up the semester and my thesis, ween off the meds and rest up.

We learn from the past, don't we? I try to stay very aware of what my body is telling me and I do not want this to lead to being really ill. So, here I sit, at home trying to figure out my plan of attack for the day. I want my day to include: (1) Rest - I don't anticipate sleep, but I want to take it easy and do some self care. (2) Acupuncture - Luckily, I have an appointment already this evening. I haven't gone in a couple of weeks, so I am sure that alone has aided with my "off-ness". (3) Organizing - I find when my space is organized, I feel a heck of a lot better in general. (4) Gardening - I want to separate and re-pot some of the plants. I'm thinking of putting some out on the balcony to see how much better they grow. I don't know that they will get much more light than in our kitchen window, but I'm willing to try. Getting my hands in the dirt is good for my soul.

On a side note, I have also been considering weeding the small city tree bed in front of the apartment. I'm tired of this place looking kind of ghetto/white trashy because the landlord does not have things kept up to the level that I would like. The extended balcony rails that were installed three months ago are still unpainted and the weeds around the front and side are out of hand. Of course, the amount of money he takes in from the four rental units should be enough for him to keep things nicer. Perhaps, he doesn't even realize or maybe he does not care. He is rather young, but if he's taken on the responsibilities of landlord, he should keep the place up fully, right?

I debate making a complaint, but part of me wants to pull the weeds myself. I think we should inquire about the painting though. If he got the supplies, I wouldn't mind painting with a little discount on the rent. I should pose the idea. Other than these minor things (and not having a yard), I don't have much to complain about living here. Other tenants are reasonably quiet, there's a good amount of space and we like the location. It is suitable until we figure out where we may want to buy a house.

Anyway, today is about self care, and I intend on treating myself with loving kindness. What do you do when having an "off" day? How do you prevent having an off day in the first place? Share you thoughts with me.