the energy of money

A lump formed of resentment and regret lodges in my throat when I think about money. Even the process of writing about it causes distress. Heck, three sentences in and I'm ready to save as draft.

Save
Log off

I wasn't kidding. It is now the day after I started penning this. Why is it a struggle to write about money? Because it brings up current struggles and the past few years worth of trials and tribulations on the financial front. Frustration stems from having and continuing to work hard at my education with little financial gains to show for it. I half joke that I went back to school and will likely be just as poor with four degrees as I am with three. I'm willing to take that risk. (I'm also taking advantage of in school deferment on my loans.) The resentment arises when I witness societal inequities in opportunities and entitlements for those of us "living in the middle" (too poor to get by, too rich to get help). I am trying to learn how to let go of these and other frustrations and resentments because they certainly do not serve me.

My belief is that our hearts and souls must be open to allow things into our lives. My frustrations and resentments are blocking the energy of money. Today I am choosing to make a conscious effort in dropping these blockers and let the good come in. I'm opening up for opportunities to come my way. I'm using my eyes to find new ideas and means of supporting my family. I am letting go of worry that bills will not get paid (because they will). I am giving for others to benefit from receiving.

Today I am saying "YES!!!" to letting in the good.

gardening and grounding

 

strange days indeed

Such a mixture of emotions pulse through me as moments ebb and flow.
 It feels so good to get my hands in the soil now that spring is slowly creeping in.
  Things like people from the past make their presence known creating new scenarios.
   This beautiful extension of myself grows rapid fire into toddlerhood.
    Thoughts like bipolar mania and A.D.D. keep me scattered
     But the dirt beneath my nails reminds me to Be
      Here
       Now

in the midst

In the shadow of winter

In the midst of turmoil

Somewhere deep

In the the middle of an apple 

One seed had sprouted

Bringing with it 

A glimmer of hope that

Opportunities will grow

When placed in fertile soil.

Just call me Melissa Fuckin' Appleseed

Sometimes things really do happen for a reason

The important thing is to figure that reason. In recent months, this is becoming more apparent in my life. What is obvious is that I need to take control of my own career and build what I want instead of conforming into what is out there. There is no longer fear or apprehension in putting my plans into action anymore. Life is too precious and time with my daughter trumps staying in an unhealthy, not to mention unfulfilling situation. Recognizing my own abilities and reinvigorating my inner punk-chick is just what the doctor (Schnookleheimer) ordered. I feel energized and motivated.

Think about the things that keep happening in your life that keep you stuck. What are the reasons they keep happening? What are you supposed to be learning from it and what are you going to do to let the lessons be a catalyst for change? Do it. You will not likely regret taking action.

True

Putting out positive energy to the Universe

and

I am open to goodness entering my life.

my love

This child cracks me up each and every day. Her smile, her laughter and her personality beams. As she sprouts taller, she explores more and more of the world around her. Watching her helps me feel present and grounded. There is no better feeling in this world then holding her in my arms as she snuggles into my neck. She simply fills me with joy. She motivates me to want to succeed more and simplify my life. She helps me realize that, even when life throws curve balls, everything is going to be okay. This little being has changed me in ways I could never have imagined.

on the verge...

...of something big, something new...
                                                    ...something wonderful.