Wednesday, December 22, 2010

this year

This year certainly does not conjure up reflections of Christmases of yore. Packing up the apartment, feeling completely ungrounded and being completely discombobulated is not how it usually happens. I suppose this is part of the beauty of life: the unpredictability. I feel the joy of the season, that giving spark in my soul. Now if I can just remember where I put all those presents I already bought.

Tuesday, December 21, 2010

holy cute...nephew!

for those who believe that pit bulls are a vicious breed

documentation of slumber or lack there of

Woke up with a start
to a strong nightmare.
Sparks showering down,
Rafters engulfed in a torrent of flame.
Heart pounding like a taiko
and thoughts that you had called.
With observance that everything was calm
Quiet with a winter chill
I climb back in the safety of our bed
Realizing it was just the Earth
raping the Moon.

Tuesday, December 14, 2010

happiest aunt alive

i became an aunt today.
life is grand.
it's a boy,
and he is gorgeous.
i can't wait to meet him tomorrow.

Tuesday, December 7, 2010

dancing with polaris

I do not care about celebrities,
I want to dance with the stars in the cosmos.

I do not care about TV families that are famous for pumping out children,
I want to meet my soon-to-be-born nephew.

I do not care about the latest fashion trends,
I want to see a poor child get a warm winter coat.

I do not care about shows that promote plastic surgery as prizes,
I want to know a doctor is working without borders.

I do not want to see women being told they are not good enough by advertisers,
I want to see every young woman find their own unique beauty.

I do not care about true blood,
I want to donate my next pint to save some lives.

I do not care about which celeb has the next chic dog,
I want to donate blankets to a local shelter.

I do not care about what overpaid sports figure is sleeping with which starlet,
I want to see local sports fields being maintained to promote childhood activity.

I do not care about being the first to post about the latest death in the news,
I want to see an elderly person being heard while they tell their life story.

I do not want to get angry about the nonsense,
I want to continue taking action to make a difference.

Saturday, December 4, 2010

get off your ass, stop posting on facebook...

...and actually DO something.

As I watch more and more people changing the profile pictures to cartoon characters "to promote awareness of child abuse," "to help end the cycle of abuse" and "to join the fight against child abuse" I find myself getting more irritated.

Awareness is great but how about doing something more than just changing your profile picture and copying-pasting a blurb from the last person's post? How about going out and volunteering a few hours with Big Brothers/Big Sisters or the Boys and Girls Club? How about donating needed items or money to organizations that are helping? How about volunteering at an adolescent/teen shelter? How about becoming a foster parent and giving a loving home to an abused or neglected child?

First start taking action, then post what you are doing. Don't post for the praise and admiration of being a good person, but to encourage others to take action, too. I am sure an abused child does not look at your facebook picture and think, "Wow, that guy posted a picture of Underdog so now my father won't beat me anymore!" When you take action, that same child can believe that there are people that will truly care.

Thanks for hearing me rant. If my anger encourages even one of you, I'd be satisfied.

In gassho,

what's it say about me...

...that one of the few Christmas songs I can tolerate is The Kinks Father Christmas? I think I was an English hooligan in a previous life.   

When I was small I believed in Santa Claus
Though I knew it was my dad
And I would hang up my stocking at Christmas
Open my presents and I'd be glad

But the last time I played Father Christmas
I stood outside a department store
A gang of kids came over and mugged me
And knocked my reindeer to the floor

They said:
Father Christmas, give us some money
Don't mess around with those silly toys.
We'll beat you up if you don't hand it over
We want your bread so don't make us annoyed
Give all the toys to the little rich boys

Don't give my brother a Steve Austin outfit
Don't give my sister a cuddly toy
We don't want a jigsaw or monopoly money
We only want the real McCoy

Father Christmas, give us some money
We'll beat you up if you make us annoyed
Father Christmas, give us some money
Don't mess around with those silly toys

But give my daddy a job 'cause he needs one
He's got lots of mouths to feed
But if you've got one, I'll have a machine gun
So I can scare all the kids down the street

Father Christmas, give us some money
We got no time for your silly toys
We'll beat you up if you don't hand it over
We want your bread so don't make us annoyed
Give all the toys to the little rich boys

Have yourself a merry merry Christmas
Have yourself a good time
But remember the kids who got nothin'
While you're drinkin' down your wine

Father Christmas, give us some money
We got no time for your silly toys
Father Christmas, please hand it over
We'll beat you up, so don't make us annoyed

Father Christmas, give us some money
Don't mess around with those silly toys
We'll beat you up if you don't hand it over
We want your bread, so don't make us annoyed
Give all the toys to the little rich boys

Friday, December 3, 2010


Despite how far technology, knowledge and societies have evolved, we (the collective we) still haven't figured out how to accomplish avoiding war, fixing the economy and ending world hunger.

Wednesday, December 1, 2010


I am unseasonably tired
with a chilly front moving in
Waves of exhaustion are expected to enter the area at 3pm and again at 5:30.
Watch out for moments of ambivalence that may occur concurrent with these waves.
Red, dry eyes are not uncommon with such conditions.
When approaching such weather patterns take shelter swiftly and always wear-rubber soled shoes.

Tuesday, November 30, 2010


I just started posting again on finding maitri
If you don't have permission to view yet, sent me your email address and let me know who you are and I will add you to the list. See my profile (to the right) for my contact info to send your contact info.


fixing the future

Watch the full episode. See more NOW on PBS.

Monday, November 29, 2010

hrumph and the hidden messages

*arms crossed, brow furrowed*

That's right, I said it and I will say it again. Hrumph!
And I will say it even louder and while stomping my right foot. HRUMPH! *stomp*
I am so very serious. Hrumph!

If you didn't already figure it out, I woke up feeling "lumpy and hrumphy" today. No particular reason for the blahs, just work up that way. Oddly, it feels good to sometimes have these days. If only it weren't Monday and I didn't have to go in to work this afternoon. I'd much prefer cuddling up on the couch with a cup of tea and a book to indulge in, getting lost in my mind and resting. Perhaps some other hrumphy day.

Hope your day is hrumph-free and, if it isn't, you can indulge.

Monday, November 22, 2010

need more sleep?

So much going on, I feel like I need to start planning nap time during my days. I am exhausted. Thinking of the ways I like to recharge, it's certainly time to take advantage of a few of these:

hiking in the woods
breathing in the salty air at the beach
taking pictures
listening to nostalgic music
sitting outside listening to the sounds
making some jewelry
going to a comedy show
viewing some art

What do you do to recharge your internal batteries?

Friday, November 19, 2010

dang good dawgy!

Yesterday was Boddington's first day at dog training. Though he already knew some basic commands, I am fascinated by how well he did. It is such a blessing to have a well behaved dog. Getting to see how quick all the dogs responded to proper training was nothing short of amazing. It is wonderful to see how simple training can be. Does it take patience? Yes! But getting the help and support of a skilled trainer can make a world of difference. I would love to see how hard-core trainers retrain seriously behavior-challenged canines and convert them into gentle beings.

Tricks Boddington can do thus far:

lay down
be cute
give kisses
make your owner's heart swell

Thursday, November 18, 2010

where's my peace and calm?

Tension seems to be pervasive lately. Things have been in disarray, physically and energetically. I do not fully have an understanding of all the energies at play but I am trying to take a step back and get a broader view. Many people I know are experiencing similar feelings.

This morning I woke up early and took the opportunity to do a mini-workout and took the dog for a longer morning walk than usual. I listened to the quiet of pre-dawn moments and watched the sky brighten. I will try to carry this with me as I face the day. Sure hope it helps.

Plus, there is puppy school to look forward to tonight. Let's see how Boddington does.

May your day be full of calm and puppy tricks!

Monday, November 15, 2010

the bad rap of mastic beach

After doing a drive-by to show my in-laws our potential house, the response was positive. My parents were driven by it weeks ago and they had the same response. When people ask me what town I am moving to, people react less-than-enthusiastically. I have even found myself making little jokes about that I am moving from one white-trash town to a white-trash town with water views.

The town has a lousy reputation for being laden with drug dealers, dog-fighting rings and sex offenders. This gets perpetuated by others, including myself up until recently, through poking fun at the area. I have since stopped, not only because I am choosing to move there, but because I am getting a different perspective. Driving through my soon-to-be town, I have only come across friendly people who are quick to give a smile and a wave hello. They proudly keep their properties nicely landscaped and loved. The houses, though on the smaller side (it's a beach-bungalow type area), are unique and beautiful; a far cry from the cookie-cutter suburban towns that have cropped up all over Long Island in the past twenty years.

After a bunch of research of local and wider news sources, I could not find any evidence of dog-napping or fighting in the area. I had spied this rumor in the comment section of an online news article, which gave me a moment of panic thinking that someone might try to nab my sweet Boddington, but my fears were eased with the lack of evidence in news sources.

As for the number of sex offenders, yes the extended area has quite a few. However, looking at the levels of their crimes and their related victims, these are not high risk of recidivism SOs. I have worked with sex offenders in a lock-down program as well as a few in outpatient treatment. I do not harbor any unnecessary fear. I also believe that it is not the registered offenders you have to worry about as much as the ones that haven't been caught or haven't committed their first offense. I don't believe a parent should trust anyone they don't know with their children.

The town does have it's share of problems but that is why they recently voted to become an incorporated village. There is a large portion of hard-working, good honest people that want to improve the town in actuality and in image. So do I. No longer am I going to joke about the town I am moving to. I am proud to be becoming a resident and I am going to use my camera to start sharing the beauty that is within the borders. No longer will I perpetuate negativity, only joy.

Sunday, November 14, 2010


Being officially "under contract" for the house feels surreal and wonderful. Thoughts of decorating and spring planting are bursting from my imagination. I can picture Boddington chasing squirrels in the yard (he never does catch them but keeps them away so no need for THIS). I imagine Sherman doing extra "binkies" (happy bunny hops) because he gets more daylight. Hooray windows! Never before have I wanted to be "settled" in one place, but this completely feels right. I am brimming with excitement and jumping with joy. I cannot wait to invite you all over for a barbecue.

finally free: aung san suu kyi released from house arrest

It has been a very long time since I posted THIS but I am happy to be able to follow up with this article from BBC News:

Burma releases pro-democracy leader Aung San Suu Kyi

The Burmese military authorities have released the pro-democracy leader, Aung San Suu Kyi, from house arrest.

Appearing outside her home in Rangoon, Ms Suu Kyi told thousands of jubilant supporters they had to "work in unison" to achieve their goals.

The Nobel Peace Prize winner has been detained for 15 of the past 21 years. It is not yet clear if any conditions have been placed on her release.

US President Barack Obama welcomed her release as "long overdue".

UN Secretary General Ban Ki-moon said Ms Suu Kyi was an "inspiration", and called on Burma to free all its remaining political prisoners.

Ms Suu Kyi, 65, was freed after her latest period of house arrest expired and was not renewed by the military government.

Her release comes six days after the political party supported by the military won the country's first election in 20 years. The ballot was widely condemned as a sham.

'Long overdue'

For more than 24 hours crowds of people had been waiting anxiously near Ms Suu Kyi's home and the headquarters of her now-disbanded National League for Democracy (NLD) party for news of her fate.

Many wore T-shirts sporting the slogan "We stand with Aung San Suu Kyi".


What we saw here were scenes of extraordinary, unforgettable pleasure. But no-one knows what comes next. Aung San Suu Kyi phrased her new policy with deliberate vagueness when she talked about people working together to achieve their goals.

Working with the opposition leaders who thought she was wrong to opt out of last week's elections, certainly. But working with the generals who run this country and who have kept her prisoner so long - that's going to be very hard indeed.

This isn't South Africa and the old regime isn't just prepared to fade away. We'll get more of a clue to all of this on Sunday at noon Rangoon time, when Aung San Suu Kyi holds a press conference - assuming that it's allowed to go ahead by the authorities. But the generals are taking a huge risk in releasing her from house arrest and the battle of wills is only just beginning.

On Saturday afternoon, a stand-off developed between armed riot police and several hundred people gathered on the other side of the security barricade blocking the road leading to her lakeside home. Some of them later sat down in the road in an act of defiance.

As tensions rose, reports came in at about 1700 (1030 GMT) that official cars had been seen entering Ms Suu Kyi's compound, and then that unnamed officials had formally read the release order to her.

Hundreds of people then surged forward and rushed forwards to greet her.

The ecstatic crowd swelled to three or four thousand before Ms Suu Kyi, in a traditional lilac dress, finally appeared, about 30 minutes later, on a platform behind the gate of her compound.

She took a flower from someone in the crowd and placed it in her hair.

Ms Suu Kyi then tried to speak, but was drowned out by the noise of the crowd, many singing the national anthem and chanting her name repeatedly.

"I have to give you the first political lesson since my release. We haven't seen each other for so long, so we have many things to talk about. If you have any words for me, please come to the [NLD] headquarters tomorrow and we can talk then and I'll use a loud speaker," she joked.

"There is a time to be quiet and a time to talk," she added. "People must work in unison. Only then can we achieve our goal."

She then went back inside her home for the first meeting with NLD leaders in seven years. She also spoke to her youngest son, Kim Aris, who was awaiting her release in neighbouring Thailand. Ms Suu Kyi had two sons with late husband, British scholar Michael Aris.

International leaders were quick to welcome Ms Suu Kyi's release.

Mr Ban said she was an "inspiration", but he regretted that she had been excluded from the elections.

He said he hoped no further restrictions would be placed on Ms Suu Kyi, and urged the Burmese authorities "to build on today's action by releasing all remaining political prisoners".

The head of the Association of Southeast Asian Nations (Asean), Surin Pitsuswan, said he was "very, very relieved" and hoped the move would "contribute to true national reconciliation".

President Obama called Ms Suu Kyi "a hero of mine".

"Whether Aung San Suu Kyi is living in the prison of her house, or the prison of her country, does not change the fact that she, and the political opposition she represents, has been systematically silenced, incarcerated, and deprived of any opportunity to engage in political processes," he said.

UK Prime Minister David Cameron also said the release was "long overdue", describing her detention had been a "travesty".

"Aung San Suu Kyi is an inspiration for all of us who believe in freedom of speech, democracy and human rights," he added.

Key elections

The ruling junta has restricted Ms Suu Kyi's travel and freedom to associate during previous brief spells of liberty, and has demanded she quit politics.

Aung San Suu Kyi

  • Born 1945, daughter of Burma's independence hero, General Aung San, assassinated in 1947
  • 1960: Leaves Burma and is later educated at Oxford University
  • 1988: Returns to care for sick mother and is caught up in revolt against then-dictator Ne Win
  • 1989: Put under house arrest as Burma junta declares martial law
  • 1990: NLD wins election; military disregards result
  • 1991: Wins Nobel Peace Prize
  • 1995: Released from house arrest, but movements restricted
  • 2000: Near continuous period of house arrest begins
  • Sept 2007: First public appearance since 2003, greeting protesting Buddhist monks
  • November 2010: NLD boycotts first election in 20 years and is disbanded; House arrest ends

However, earlier this week her lawyer said that she would "not accept a limited release".

A BBC correspondent in Rangoon says it is unlikely the ruling generals would have freed Ms Suu Kyi unless they felt confident she no longer represented a threat to them or their plans for the country.

Sunday's elections were a key step in a carefully planned transition from overt military rule to a nominally civilian government, but the process has been widely condemned as widely fraudulent and un-democratic, she adds.

State media have reported that the biggest military-backed party, the Union Solidarity and Development Party (USDP), has secured a majority in both houses of parliament. Those elected included the leader of the USDP, Prime Minister Thein Sein, who retired from the military as a general in April to stand.

A quarter of seats in the two new chambers of parliament will be reserved for the military. Any constitutional change will require a majority of more than 75% - meaning the military will retain a casting vote.

The NLD - which won the last election in 1990 but was never allowed to take power - refused to contest the election, which means that legally it is no longer a political entity. By extension Burma's most famous democracy campaigner now has no official political status and an unclear role.

Our correspondent says the next few days might provide some answers on how Ms Suu Kyi plans to further the cause of freedom of justice in Burma, for which she has sacrificed so much to achieve, but in the meantime thousands of her supporters are just enjoying the moment.

Saturday, November 13, 2010

soy delicious!

I'm not one to promote products, but these are a few of my favorite things! Thank you Waldbaums for carrying some of my favorite holiday treats. It's the little things in life, right? Straight or in coffee, freakin' delicious!

Tuesday, November 9, 2010

Happy Tuesday

Who would have guessed that Tuesday would be a great day?

I am finally confidant that we are under contract for our little gingerbread house with the great dog yard.

Opportunities are opening up.

I am more in love now then ever.

I will be an aunt next month (biologically speaking this time) and my parents will finally be grand.

Oh, and I remembered to floss today.

I am so filled with blessings, joy and good oral hygiene I hope you can all feel it through the screen. Oh my goodness, I want to spin around on the front lawn until I get dizzy and fall! But I will just go to work instead.

Happy Tuesday, y'all!

Thursday, October 28, 2010


I have the mother of all muscle knots in my neck and shoulder,
I'm moving around like Joan Cusack in 16 Candles. Ooooo Halloween costume idea!

Tuesday, October 26, 2010

and now for you viewing pleasure

trash talk

I never claimed to be a writer and I never will. I write. That is it. I took a look at Naked Without A Pen blog and saw this post: Turning Trash Into Writing and it got me thinking about trash. Walking around my neighborhood quite frequently, me and my dog, Boddington, spy lots of trash, especially considering the main through street has a fast food restaurant at one end. As you would guess, there are lots of discarded fast food bags and wrappers, which probably also accounts for the various bone pieces that Boddie can find anywhere. (Do you know how difficult it is to get a KFC chicken bone out of a dog's mouth? It's not easy, I tell you!) There are the standard roadside trash, like cups and cans, but we have also seen some out of the ordinary trash:

The cap of a fire hydrant in an area that no fire hydrants were missing a cap
A pair of pants, men's, Chinos, khaki
A single marble
Pregnancy tests (two different times, and, no, I don't know the results)
Empty small ziplocks (likely once containing illicit substances)
A plastic army man
The letter "m"
A plethora of losing scratch off tickets (and I mean a plethora)
A single melted crayon, red

You never know what you can find. What oddities have you found roadside?

this blog has the bumby seal of approval*

One of the things I enjoy about blogging, is keeping up with friends, old and new. (Old friends as in friends I've known for a long time...not OLD friends...but them too.) I love getting the chance to glimpse into their lives and I love being able to express myself to them and the web that is world-wide. Sometimes I wonder if this self-indulgent expression is too self-indulgent...then I remember that it is okay to be self-indulgent. Yes it is.

Many years ago, I just couldn't understand why people do this blogging thing, but having always been interested in stories of "everyday people" in memoirs, short stories and documentaries. I realized that reading blogs was an additional opportunity to engage with other everyday people.

Do most people care about what I write about? No, of course not. But for the few that I connect with online, it is worth the online time in the blog-o-sphere. I know I have readers, for people comment on here and on FB, but I also know I have lurkers (hi lurkers *waves enthusiastically*) and every now and then, a lurker will make their presence known which adds to my online connections.

*this blog may or may not truly have the Bumby Seal of Approval. I may or may not have made an assumption of this honor. I do, however, encourage you all to keep up with his tales, tall and otherwise.

Saturday, October 23, 2010

one step closer

We are so close to being fully under contract for the house we are trying to purchase. Ideas of interior design have been rolling around in my head. And yes, something WILL be fuchsia, even if it is just the ceiling of a closet. (I always joke that I am tired of being a renter, that if I want to paint the ceiling fuchsia, I want to be able to paint the ceiling fuchsia.) That's the fun part. The not so fun part: moving again...during the winter. We moved from Denver to East Providence the day after the first snowfall of the season. We moved from Rhode Island to NY on a very chilly week in November. I will just have to look at it as an adventure. I wonder how sparse my friends will make themselves on moving day? Maybe an offer of pizza and Irish coffee will be enough to lure them into helping with the move. Hee hee hee

Wednesday, October 20, 2010

beginner's mind

Shoshin, or beginner's mind, is approaching new things without allowing preconceived ideas influence your learning. It helps you view things for what they are and not what we expect them to be. Today, I am making a conscious effort to approach everything presented to me with a beginner's mind and see what arises. And I will not hold any expectations of what this day will be the best of my ability.

Tuesday, October 19, 2010

tuesday state of mind

So much on my mind but it is such a tangled ball of yarn, I'll have to be careful around cats today.

I won't bore you with the minutiae of each twist and turn (like that one, Jim?) but my head is filled with goals and house buying
and animal rescuing
and career building
and exercising
and exploring
and arts and crafting
and home redecorating
and all sorts of packing
and various other "-ings" and things.

Sometimes life and so full, it overflows.
And it is good
and brilliant
and joyful.
Even when its a bowl of spaghetti.
With a soy meatless ball on top.

...and this is the tune that's been in my head:

and oddly this one too:

Monday, October 18, 2010

ups and downs and ups again

Life is like performing a beautiful waltz while riding The Zipper at the carnival. Lots of ups and downs and can sure make you dizzy, but ultimately it is beautiful and unique.

Thursday, October 14, 2010

i spoke too soon

Post the last post, the stress hit with the home buying process. A slight bump in the road due to different advice from the Realtor and the lawyer. Groovy and I discussed and decided what WE felt comfortable with and got the process moving again. Whew! The stress has subsided a bit but I think I won't be able to fully relax until the contracts are done. Until then, I will keep breathing and asking my guardian angels for some help. Oh, and I am still the Happy House Hunter.

I cannot wait to be settled in our own home... then I can focus on blogging about things that are actually interesting to you, dear readers. What ARE you interested in reading about?

Tuesday, October 12, 2010


The home inspection was complete on Saturday and it looks like some plumbing and electric work needs to be done, the air vent for the dryer needs replacing and the deck may or may not have been built with a permit. There are some other things that can be improved upon but many of which can wait.

We didn't expect perfection and are still interested in moving forward. I am sending the lawyer the report and we will take it from there. It is amazing how quickly this is happening and even more amazing that I am not nervous about this process.

So close to moving above ground!

Sunday, October 10, 2010

happy birthday thelonious monk (borrowed text)

It's the birthday of Thelonious (Sphere) Monk, who was born in Rocky Mount, North Carolina (1917), but grew up in New York City. He started piano lessons as a kid and by age 13, he had won the weekly amateur night contest at the Apollo Theater so many times that he was no longer allowed to compete. In the '40s he started making recordings, and in the '50s he came out with two of his most popular albums, Brilliant Corners and Thelonious Monk with John Coltrane. His most famous compositions include "Round About Midnight," "Straight No Chaser," "Blue Monk," and "Misterioso." (Text from The Writer's Almanac)

Friday, October 8, 2010


A beautiful whirlwind of events have lead to potential home ownership. I feel so calm through this whole process. Wait, that is inaccurate. The very first morning after we discussed making an offer, a two minute wave of nervousness hit me when I woke up. Then it passed and this amazing feeling of clarity took hold and has not let go. Things are falling into place.

Groovy and I have been house hunting and researching for close to a year now, going to open houses, online searching home buying info, gathering experiences of friends who have been through the process or are in the real estate business, and looking at areas we can afford that are less likely to have gang gunfire. We considered getting a foreclosure and a 203k loan. We considered small bungalows. We created a list of things we must have, things that would be nice and the "definitely nots" that helped eliminate a bunch of homes we saw. We have taken knowledge passed on to us by our parents over the years to help us make a good choice.

Then we went to the most recent few open houses. We opened our possibilities to an area that we hadn't considered before and were pleasantly surprised. A two bedroom raised ranch. From first in-person glance, something was different about this house compared to all the others we saw. The yard was close to perfect. Just add a fence for the dog and it is ideal. The house is a great size, not too opulent and not too "cozy" (real estate lingo for "small"). Quiet neighborhood where people maintain their properties and no through traffic zooming on by. Everything in good repair and many updates on the house, inside and out. And a price that is within our means.

This house was lovingly taken care of for the past eight years by this nice old man who sadly lost his wife and will be residing with family henceforth. This obviously was truly a home for them. He tended to a sweet little vegetable garden. I can imagine him and his wife sipping tea in the kitchen, enjoying the sun on the patio and sitting in quiet bliss in the living room. I believe we will love this house as much as they must have.

So now we are up to the inspection part of the process. We hired an engineer to check out the home this Saturday and I cannot wait to show this house to my family. I am hoping everything goes well for we might be in our own home before we know it (and can maybe move when it is not snowy out...which is an unfortunate habit we have).

Breathing deep and slow.

Monday, October 4, 2010

feeling groovy

I want to spread little bits of "happy" to unsuspecting strangers.

I choose to smile at people on the street.

I tend to see the humor in things.

I have a habit of finding the good in people and events.

When things keep going wrong, I try to take a deep breath and keep going forward.

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, and I try to behold the beauty in everyone.

I realistically see that everything is certainly NOT all love and light, rainbows and butterflies...but it certainly is not that bad either.

I can be very sensitive and cry at the drop of a hat...even at touching commercials and gift cards. Yeah, I'm that dorky.

monday morning pick me up

While checking in on the infamous Facebook, I spied this video that just made me feel good. Enjoy it for a few minutes:

The house hunt continues and we have found one that makes are hearts go all smiley. Some minor negatives but nothing major that we can see. If it is meant to be we will get it. More details to come but for now, I have a Monday to live.

Wednesday, September 29, 2010

high tech time...sort of

My last cellular phone was the equivalent of two cups and a string. I have never been into the latest and greatest technology, but it was getting ridiculous. A flip phone? Really? There was even a four and a half year period (a.k.a. my days as a poor grad student) when possessing a functioning cell phone was foregone and I lived with a land-line alone. *gasp!* (I had to wear a watch those years.) When I achieved my professional license, I vowed to upgrade my phone for myself. Well, I got the license and kept on flipping my phone open, perhaps in a silent protest of "I don't need anything more" attitude. Then I finally caved and..."Got the latest iPhone, Melissa?" No, no, no...that would be much too up to date. I got a Blackberry. The first few days I wondered if it was worth it, spending the extra money for what really? Having played around with it, I am finding it to be rather useful and I feel somewhat connected to the "modern world" we're living in. Of course, I have not bothered to learn how to do everything on it. It even took me a few weeks to figure out what a pin and BBM was, but I accept that my learning curve on technology is slow. I'm fine with that.

Since I no longer utilize smoke signals in communication, who wants to BBM? Oh, you all have iPhones? Okay, never mind. I'll get one of those when you all have upgraded to the iBrain phone implant.

Tuesday, September 28, 2010

tuesday musings

Tuesday has rolled around again. These mornings tend to be very nice. Solo time to catch up on reading, exploring information, decompressing and even introspecting (more than usual). It is a time where I count my blessings and sit in the joy of the wonderfulness I am lucky to have in my life. I refocus my goals and retool the means of achieving them. I reevaluate what I have been doing, reinforcing the good and tweaking the not-so-good.

I love my Tuesday mornings, but I love the rest of my week as well. Different reasons for different times. The beauty of life is that no moment is the same and every one is valuable in one way or another. Take the time to appreciate it all.

Tuesday, September 21, 2010

taking risks in a chum suit


It's important to find a happy place between total stagnation and blind "dive-head-first-into-shark-infested-waters-while-wearing-a-chum-suit" action. In my experience, there have been times where I played it safe and others where I taken risks. Having an aversion towards boredom and stagnation, I prefer leaning towards the latter of the two.

Lately, I find myself taking more risks, putting myself out there and taking chances, because that is the only way to possibly succeed. (Details forthcoming, but for the time being, these are personal risks not for public viewing. Be patient dear readers.)

For the most part, my risk taking is successful. Engaging in creative projects bring a sense of juiciness to life. Advancing my education (*cough* accruing student loans) has opened my mind and doors wider. Uprooting and moving around the country has allowed me to gain new perspectives and to experience new adventures that have enriched my life and helped me reconnect with my husband. All of these have required some level of risk and have provided such fruitful rewards and experiences.

I am grateful for every experience for even the ones that do not work out as planned have helped me grow and learn about myself. Who was it that said "the only failure is in not trying?" I am not holding back, there are dreams to be had and fruit to be picked.

Fear and excitement can be physiologically similar. Change your perspective and take a chance. Are you holding yourself back from a dream or desire because of fear?

Now where's my chum suit?

Monday, September 20, 2010

i feel good

I have this excited giddy feeling in my soul that good things are happening. Opportunities that I have been actively seeking are going to present themselves with brightness, hope and open arms. Creativity is flowing in my very veins. I feel light and I am luminous and floating. Joy has moved to the forefront and is emanating from my heart. This is what I choose to be and I choose to not let others tarnish this beauty.

My wish for you is that you, too, have moments that feel even better than this!



Saturday, September 18, 2010

sparking spunky funk










Some of the things that sparks the spunky funk in me and make me want to boogie. I stumbles across the video below and it makes me smile. Hope it does the same for you.


Tuesday, September 14, 2010

buzz buzz in the eardrum

I am not sure where I am at today, but for some reason I have been more drawn to researching environmental and toxin issues, and health and wellness. I think I have some guilt for treatment my pup for fleas using those icky bug neurotoxins and pesticides. This is very much against my nature. Of course, the following day I was able to find a natural, healthy alternative (different then the natural ones I was using and were not so effective) that we are going to use to maintain a pest free environment.

Though, if you could see the horrifically giant, mandible wielding severed head of the bug that was in my shoe by the door, you might consider a nuclear bomb to fumigate. (And I'm not easily bugged by too many bugs.)

music wafts deftly through the crisp air

and it all feels so powerful to me right now.

doesn't get much better than this

Sit back, close your eyes and enjoy

Monday, September 13, 2010

dreams vs. pragmatic points

Do "practical thinkers" tend to tamp down dreams? Here's a worthy and inspirational blog covering the 10 Lies You Will Hear Before You Pursue Your Dreams. Maybe the pragmatic points come from others or it may come from our own thoughts.

How many goals in your life have you not attempted because of this? If you have goals (and I hope you all have many) read that blog post. Then go ahead and take control of putting the cross-hairs on your target and go for it!

Sunday, September 12, 2010

i cannot tell a lie

I recalled a memory today from back when I was living on Sherman Street in Denver. I was a poor grad student in my last year of studies, deeper in debt and school work than ever before. Sitting outside my apartment on one of those beautiful sunshiny Colorado days when a local 12-stepper (possibly off the wagon) asked to borrow my cell phone. I replied simply with a "sorry, I don't have one." To which she promptly yelled back, "You're a liar! Who doesn't have a cell phone?!" I was taken a little aback. As she stormed away around the corner, I sat slack-jawed and speechless. Never before was I yelled at for telling the god's honest truth. I really was so poor I could not afford a cell phone. I thought about it for a bit longer and realized, hey, if her second statement were true, why was she asking to borrow mine?

Friday, September 10, 2010

tai chi or insanity

Sitting in a meeting with my back to the window, a few of my coworkers started chuckling audibly at an unusual sight outside. I turned to see a client swinging his arms wildly and thought nothing of it. (I work at a mental health agency.) A few minutes later, when the meeting ended, one coworker stated, "I'm going to go out and ask him to stop." As I got out of my chair and turned around, I viewed the man and his actions again. It was at that point that I realized he was practicing tai chi. The worker went and interrupted him.

I was so saddened by this client having to cease doing something that is so healthy and beneficial simply because a bunch of therapists pathologized his action as part of his mental illness. It is also sad that so many people around here get terribly uncomfortable with what they don't know or understand. Back in Colorado, no one would think twice seeing anyone performing tai chi or qi gong in just about any locale. I would say it is probably more unusual out there to NOT see people in the local park practicing early in the morning.

I often try to educate people who are ignorant to healing arts and contemplative topics. I don't claim to be an expert but I share the knowledge I have and my own experience to try and open peoples minds, even a little bit. And, yes, I get a lot of eye rolls. That's okay, for every twenty eye rolls, I get one person whose mind expands a touch. To me, that is worth it.

Thursday, September 9, 2010

mouthy me

Something I have observed about myself, I get much more mouthy and my internal filter starts to falter when I am tired. Thank goodness I know how to be diplomatic, wrangle my emotions and choose my words wisely regardless. Despite that, I think it would behoove me to get more hours of sleep each night. Now, to see if I can put that plan into action...or would that be non-action?

ray lamontagne & the pariah dogs

Wednesday, September 8, 2010

wild rice

Sometimes I feel like my task
is to sort barrels
of wild rice
into individual piles.

And they are large barrels
like those big metal oil ones.

And there is a crow
swooping down to swipe the grains.

This is one of those mornings.

Tuesday, September 7, 2010

one year ago today

I posted this picture on my flickr account and here last year and I feel It is worthy of a re-post since the god and/or gods did not hear me the first time.
I have demonstrated much patience over the past year, so I don't feel I'm being too pushy. *knock knock knock* Are you there, money god(s)? I'm ready now.

falling back to school

So here I sit, viewing other blog and social network posts, watching many people send their kids back to school or head back to work and I ponder the meaning this time of year. Having been a student for more years than I can count (guess I should have studied math) and working in schools for quite a few more, this time of year used to bring eager anticipation for the newness of things to come. I still get giddy when I think of purchasing new school supplies.

Things, however, have changed. Not having children of my own and working in a 12-month job for the past four-plus years, this time of year has changed meaning in both the practical and deeper senses. I am not studying anything formally nor am I currently employed in an educational setting, but the new school year coincides with autumn: my favorite time of the year. Something about the crispness that enters the air and the blanket of leaves that rustle with each step makes my heart swell with the beat of the world. I still approach this time of year as a new beginning, a starting over and time to view life with new eyes. Old things are new again and new things are welcome; I am opening my arms to both.

Monday, September 6, 2010

a worthy share

from The Writer's Almanac:

It's the birthday of the first American woman to win the Nobel Peace Prize: public health worker, community organizer, and social activist Jane Addams, born to a wealthy Quaker family in Cedarville, Illinois, 150 years ago today (1860).

She suffered from depression and went to Europe, thinking it would help. She visited a settlement house in London, a place that offered social services to the poor. She was deeply impressed by it, and after founding an experimental house like this in England, she returned to the states to establish one on the South Side of Chicago in the 19th Ward, a neighborhood full of poor immigrants from Russia, Greece, Italy, and Germany. It was in an abandoned mansion formerly owned by Charles Hull, and so she called it Hull House. It had a communal kitchen, a day care, a library, and a little bookbinding business.

Women boarded at Hull House, and it was also a neighborhood center, a performing arts center, and a space where book club meetings and classes were held. Two thousand people showed up each week from the area, and Hull House grew to add a dozen more buildings. Addams wrote about it in some of her books, including Twenty Years at Hull House (1910).

Addams was a leader in the women's suffrage movement, fought for immigrants' rights, and lobbied for labor reform. She won the Nobel Peace Prize in 1931.

She's the author of several books, including The Spirit of Youth and the City Streets (1909) and Peace and Bread in Time of War (1922).

Saturday, September 4, 2010


I have been pondering my hair lately. Not in a narcissistic "nothings more beautiful than naturally curly hair" sense, more in a what does my hairs means to me? Being a curly girl to a straight-hair mother, my early dealings with hair included being secured by my mothers legs so she could hold me still enough to tackle the mass of knotty curls. Pig tails and braids were (and to some extent still are) a long haired curly girls salvation. No More Tangles was a god-send. I adored my braids with the red yarn bows tied at the bottom.
Adolescence, a difficult and awkward stage in many a child's life, was even more difficult because I did not have the hair I wanted. Hello 80s, I want feathered tresses! Alas, that is not what my hair wanted to do.

High school was when I started using my hair as a tool. Right eye? I had one but it was hidden under my "freak punk chick" hair. And I grew it long. Really long. Of course, when the curls sproing up, the length could not be appreciated, but I knew it was down to my backside. My hair became entertainment for my best friend in our tediously dry English class. (How many times can I get the chills from Bernadette stretching and boinging my curls?)

College (the first time around) was when I truly began to appreciate and learn to work with my curls, and I grew to love them. I started attracting much positivity for the amount of tresses that cascaded down my back. Friends protested every time I stated I was thinking of cutting it.

Suddenly, there came a time that I realized I was being identified too much by, and hiding behind, my hair. It was time for it to go. Finally, I went from that super-long to shoulder length. A weight was lifted, figuratively and literally, from my shoulders. The hair that was cumbersome and often out of control, was now quicker to wash and simpler to brush. I felt free.
um, yeah
As the years have passed, my hair has taken on many variations. I symbolically cut it a few years back to let go of the past and once again feel free. Now, I am symbolically growing it again. With good nutrition and lots of care, my hair has grown considerably.
What does it means to me today? It means I am embracing all that is me. I have reconnected with my true self in so many ways and the long curly locks represent this process.

(I have no recent photos but it is time to take out the camera again. Perhaps a new, long haired pic will follow shortly.)

bark softly and carry a big stick

I adore having a dog. Can you tell?

Friday, September 3, 2010

i color outside the lines


Those of you who know me and/or my father (a.k.a. Big Joe) are aware that three weeks ago he had an unfortunate and severe meeting of his cranium to the pavement when he wrecked out on his road bicycle. Due to the extent of his injuries, he has no recollection of the accident. He was riding early morning on a two-way, four-lane major road that is under extensive roadwork. We have deduced that he must have clipped a piece of debris on the road or a gap in the busted out pavement. He was not hit by a car as evidenced by his bicycle being unscathed. Tumbling over his handle bars, he landed face/head first into the ground.

Being early morning and traveling solo, a lonely passerby saw him lying face down on the ground and called 911 (thank you, whoever you are). He spent a few days in the hospital with a broken nose, abrasions, two areas of brain hemorrhaging and pain all over, but he is healing.

My father talked of being worried that his fear would get the best of him and he wouldn't ride again. He's proving himself wrong. A week out of the hospital he had already replaced his mangled helmet with a new, unmarred one. After follow ups with the neurosurgeon and the trauma doctors, and getting clearance to return to regular activities as he feels ready, he is already out on his bike and riding.

My dad is amazing. Oh, did I happen to mention he is also above retirement age (he is still working) and lost most of the vision in one of his eyes Less than two years ago? Yeah, he's an example of resilience and bravery...and maybe a little bit nuts. But that's why I love him!

Now here's the point, dear readers: If being 60-something, half-blind and having slammed your head into the pavement isn't enough to hold "Big Joe" back, what excuse can any of us possibly have for giving up on our goals?

Now get back back on your bike and ride.

Billy Bragg - Waiting For The Great Leap Forwards


I have never claimed my life is boring,
and this I love.

What an intense and chaotic day yesterday was!
Clients in crisis, people dealing with intensity and strange happenings all around.

However, nothing a little tart cherry juice (yum!) and a deep breath couldn't handle. (Though yoga class brought lots of charlie horses in my muscles, but I have a feeling that was a result of beginning chiropractic adjustments last week.)

Okay, Friday, bring it!

Wednesday, September 1, 2010

morning puppy

morning puppy
Originally uploaded by misslissa13
Apologies for another Boddington post, he just makes me all mushy inside with his cuteness. This is what I wake up to in the morning. Happy sigh!

Tuesday, August 31, 2010

faces of mental illness

I have been playing around the idea of a project of photographing people with the label of mentally ill. I am both amazed and appalled about the stigma still attached to those struggling with mental illness. So many people walking around out there, have some sort of diagnostic label. But, as I tell all of my clients at work:

You are not your diagnosis
You are not your chart
You are you

I want to present to the world a montage of the beautiful faces, the beautiful people who happen to be struggling with depression or anxiety or schizophrenia or bipolar or simply struggling through a difficult time in life.

i now believe in god

Let it be known that
I have seen god in my dog.
The way he loves unconditionally.
The way he greets everyone with love and enthusiasm.
The way his puppy cuddling warms the heart.
The abundant energy, zest and joy for life.
How he doesn't mind ear and tail tugging.
The soulfulness of his eyes.
The graceful flippy curl of his tail.
The gentle fold of his left ear.
His cold wet puppy nose
and his warm slobbering puppy kisses.
All proof that god exists.

Thursday, August 26, 2010

that's a zinger of a horoscope

Strong emotions, wacky risks and spontaneous outbursts are all scheduled for you today, making for an exciting time. The challenges you're giving those around you might make them a bit uncomfortable, but then that's not really your problem, is it? You crave forward motion, politeness be darned, and if you must act on impulse and provoke rage, that's okay. You can always make nice later.

the beauty of the power game

The tension created with the use of slow motion in combination with the power and athleticism of these woman make for an amazing series of very short videos. Well done Dewey Nicks and NY Times Magazine.

Monday, August 23, 2010

monday monday

Another Monday has rolled around as has the beginning of another work week.

Why do most people dislike Mondays? Did you ever think of viewing it as another opportunity for a new beginning? What do you think? Does this perspective make the day any more tolerable?

Thursday, August 19, 2010

mad as heck and emailing in ire

After taking the dog out for a final walk before bedtime, I noted the foul synthetic skunk-like chemical smell looming heavy in the air. Chemical warfare to kill off the mosquitoes, I presumed. Upset with myself for not checking the county's website for spray areas this week, I logged on to not my area was NOT included in the spray area. Either they sprayed here anyway, or this chemical crap travels even without a breeze. My ire got the best of me and I emailed the county executive office (I was tired and didn't proof read, so excuse any typos/grammatical woopses):

Dear Mr. Levy, et al:

Want to know what's bugging me? Mosquitoes? No. Getting a fine mist of toxic chemicals sprayed over my area for a potential threat of catching a potentially fatal bug spread virus is flaming my ire.

Look at the stats for 2009:
U.S. Population: 305,529,237 (estimated)
Total number of West Nile Infections: 720*
Fatalities from West Nile: 32*
Even the year with the highest number of cases in 2001 the risk was still minuscule.

Is this worth dousing people with known liver tumor producing and fish killing chemical warfare in light of the statistics? Who makes the decision on who gets toxic crap dumped on them and who gets spared? Not the people getting doused, that is for sure. Indeed I know there is the "no spray" list, which does not help people that rent and does nothing for aerial spraying. Look at the stats of how many people died from cancer last year and compare that to the risk of West Nile infections and fatalities. It is frightening that the powers that be are that short sighted that they cannot properly weigh the risks and benefits. These chemicals are toxic and will absolutely have an impact on the environment, people and ecosystem.

Thank you for reading my rant.


Melissa S****** (nee M*********)

*stats published by the CDC

Tuesday, August 17, 2010


It is amazing how many different layers of emotions a person can feel simultaneously. Joy, frustration, anger, elation, curiosity, caring, selfishness, selflessness, motivation, laziness and more are all swirling around in a cirque-like number of color and sound. Amazingly, it feels fantastic! I feel ALIVE and ready to take on ANYTHING. I am OPENING my heart wider and telling the UNIVERSE YES!

Thursday, August 12, 2010

and now for something lighter

to kill or not to kill, that is the question

To add to the reasons why I dislike this area: THIS GUY, living in the "Heart of Long Island," beat his 7 month old bloodhound to death. He tragically tortured a puppy. Why? Because the puppy ran out of the back gate of his property. This truly disgusts me.

Not nearly as disgusting but bothersome none the less are the reactions of people wishing to have the same fate taken out on the man. (An eye for an eye?) I pondered this for a bit. Now do not get me wrong, this guy deserves a severe punishment. But if the law allowed, would taking his life via death sentence be any more "right" than his killing of the puppy? What about if this guy killed a rapist or another murderer? Does that change your opinion? Does man-made law make killing ethically correct?

The death penalty. It's interesting that we can make killing an action permissible by state law, but assisted suicide is illegal everywhere. This is a strange, strange place indeed.

Just some things to ponder. Your thoughts?

the good, the bad, the snuffily

The good: I am moving into a bigger office at work

The bad: It is because one of the other clinicians moved (we miss you, Michelle)

The snuffily: It is one of the offices that was wrecked in the flood and currently has no carpet and the bottom few feet of walls are temporarily particleboard.


Tuesday, August 10, 2010

the road not taken by robert frost

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth.

Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same.

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I--
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.

-Robert Frost

I, however, am going back to also take the other road. - Melissa

beat spittin buddhist

Reminds me of someone I knew...

Sunday, August 8, 2010

life's journey

Every choice we make
leads us
to where we are

And sometimes
it is even possible
to go back
and make
a different choice
the time
is right.

settle down, you nomad

Many of you know that, for a major portion of my life thus far, I have resided on Long Island (or The Island of Long, as I like to refer to it). This has not been a continuous thing. I spent many years moving around to various apartments in Colorado and Rhode Island. Having landed back on the shores of my birth (two more apartments worth) thoughts of finally living in a place where I can paint the ceiling fuchsia on a whim if the feeling grabs me have filled my mind. House hunting (sounds so barbaric) is in the forefront of my mind.

Being of limited funds (I'm not working as a therapist for the riches) causes limited options. After a few weeks of looking in affordable, non-gang infiltrated areas, I posed a question to myself: If money was not a factor, where on Long Island would I live? Well, frankly, I stumped myself. There are many places I wouldn't mind living, but what town would I WANT to live... none of them. Please don't misunderstand, there are some really lovely places, towns, attractions, and activities on the Island that are wonderful. Additionally, I love being close to my family and friends. It is just that this query made me realize that I do not particularly want to be living here.

The traffic, rudeness, overabundance of inhabitants and the lack of quiet spots to just be with my thoughts all make me question being back here for the long run. Public transportation is not well designed and is pricey, bike paths are often dangerous to travel on and it is difficult to live here without a personal fuel utilizing vehicle. Let us not even talk about the exuberant cost of living. Despite all this negative, the idea of having a place to call home that is truly home makes me salivate. Thankfully, we are not on any sort of deadline to move. There is ample time to figure it all out.

I posed this question to friends who are or were from the Island, most of them focused on the negatives of living here, but I am still curious to keep asking others the question, so please comment and share your thoughts:

What town on Long Island would you want to live in and why? (If you do not know the Island personally, go by what you know about it.)

Where off the island (other places in NY, states, or countries) would you want to live and why?

i hear you

Deaf dancer and choreographer Antoine Hunter Explain How Communicate with deaf people. This guy is so expressive and captivating on video, whether he is communicating or dancing. Simply amazing! Second video is a performance piece.

Monday, August 2, 2010

it is me or am i narcissistic?

I am simply amazed by this. Back in 2003-ish during one of the times I was "off again" from an on-again, off-again relationship, I very briefly (three weeks?) dated a guy who was also "off again" from a similar relationship. (Double rebound?) The end of this short fling occurred when he had the opportunity to be "on again" with the woman he was deeply in love with. He dumped me. No big deal, life went on with no hard feelings. We remained friendly and I even became friends with his "on again" girlfriend.

Fast forward to 2009. I ran into the rebound guy at a music festival and, logically, I went over and said hello. His less-than-warm response made me question whether he even remembered who I was. I chalked it up to the shortness of the relationship and the "longness" of his pot smoking.

Apparently, he did remember me but was upset that I didn't "fight for his affection" after he cut it off. WHAT??!!!? Really?

So let me get this straight. He was actually miffed so much because I didn't challenge his girlfriend (who I had become friends with) to try and continue a three week rebound relationship...miffed enough that he still held hard feelings SIX YEARS LATER?

All my years of studying human behavior and this one has me baffled.

Saturday, July 31, 2010

Tuesday, July 27, 2010

the true buzz

Want to know what's bugging me? Mosquitoes? No. Getting a fine mist of toxic chemicals sprayed over my area for a potential threat of catching a potentially fatal bug spread virus.

Here's the stats for 2009:
U.S. Population: 305,529,237 (estimated)
Total number of West Nile Infections: 720*
Fatalities from West Nile: 32*

Worth dousing millions of people with known liver tumor producing chemical warfare? Hey government who makes the decision on who gets toxic crap dumped on them, how many people died from cancer last year?

This crap makes me mad. Truly mad.

*stats published by the CDC

Sunday, July 25, 2010

a house as home

The next step in this journey of life may involve home ownership. We have been keeping our eyes open at the market in the area, watching trends and oo-ing and ah-ing at pictures of available abodes and thinking "hmm what we would do with this yard or that kitchen." I am ready to finish my life as a renter, I am ready to once again live above ground, I am ready for the yard for the dog to run around in and I am ready for a place to call home.


Savasana (corpse pose) is the standard final pose of most yoga classes. Each time and each setting can transform the same pose into a whole new experience. Sometimes it involves an active mind that does not want to settle, sometimes a dreamlike state and other times it may invoke a little light snoring (zzzzzzzzzz). I find it is vastly different in a class setting compared to home practice. Perhaps it is the energy of practicing with others, but it is usually a more intense experience for me.

Once recent in-class experience, I seeped into a zone of nothingness...and it was everything I needed in that moment. aaaahhhhhhhh.........

And, yes, yoga itself can bring on so many different experiences, including laughter. Enjoy!

polish deli in a non-polish town

I am so excited that a Polish deli just opened in my town! Now I won't have to wait until the Polish Festival to get my pierogis on! mmmm

Tuesday, July 20, 2010

career opportunities the ones that never knock

Helping others
My Perfect Career

Tuesday, July 13, 2010

a brief look at what i am

I am eying inspiration all around:

In other peoples' accomplishments
In nature
In my dreams
In art
In recognition
In kind words

I am feeling anxiety:

In my own fears
In my environment
In events I cannot change

I am experiencing chaos:

In the nature of my work
In the mess in my sink
In the incomplete projects

I am engulfed in joy:

In my relationship
In my family
In my pets
In my goals

I am plagued by germs:

In my puppy
In myself
In my allergies

I am intrigued by curiousness:

In my career path
In my life's travels
In the next step
In learning

I am gaining awareness:

In who I am
In where I am going
In loving what is

... i am.

Thursday, July 8, 2010

my character was judged in a drive-by with flying carbohydrates

When I resided in Colorado, I was free to walk or bike un-bothered, even greeted in a friendly manner quite often.

In Rhode Island, the same activities attracted screams out of car windows apparently in an attempt to startle me for fun.

Now, back in New York, I walk my dog and get insulted, called names and have food products hurled at me. Does that means I have progressively become a horrible person that deserves drive-by "attacks?" My character and looks must have declined exponentially over the past few years. Ha! I have never understood the appeal of insulting strangers for fun. Maybe it's just me, but I prefer giving a friendly hello or smile and nod.

Here are some of the things I have "learned" about myself:

I am a bitch. Who knew someone could just a person's character simply by driving by them?

I need to be honked at excessively. Maybe I look tired and they are trying to keep me alert for the safety of me and my puppy?

I look hungry. Why else would someone hurl a dinner roll at me?

I am less attractive than my dog. Hmm, he really is a good looking dog so I'll chalk this one up as a complement!

I find the humor in some of this, but on a deeper level, I am really disheartened by the decline of respect towards other humans. I also wonder if it is evidence of a regional difference in young people, or if time is rendering youth more obnoxious. Either way, I will continue taking good care of my dog and myself and walking in my neighborhood.

Here is something for the insulters to ponder: Is it really a wise idea to hurl insults at someone carrying a bag of dog poo?

Tuesday, July 6, 2010

shift into low gear

Have you ever had one of those moments where you feel that something has shifted inside you? Where some undefinable yet undeniable change has occurred? It may be a sudden moment or you may need some time-lapse photography of the mind to discern, but you know it happened.

I believe we experience these changes frequently, but often do not take the moments to sit observe and reflect about ourselves to notice. Do we think this self reflection is selfish or do we simply not make the time?

I try, though not always successfully, to make the time and note what is happening with myself and the self. As I do so now, I sense another shift in a positive way. I somehow feel more whole, more focused and clear. Question this? No way! I am just going to dive in, splash around and maybe float in it for a spell. See what comes up and comes through.

Be joyful!!!

Monday, July 5, 2010

so how's married life?

Now that people are done with the "are you pregnant" question in regard to my three week planned wedding and the "well, when are you getting pregnant" questions are starting to taper, I keep getting the "so how's married life" inquiry.

My response? Just like unmarried life, but with rings.

After responding this way numerous times I am realizing that this is not an adequate answer. Such a response sounds very mundane and unexciting. Let me explain a little deeper. You see, life before marriage was filled with love and joy, magic and laughter. So, yes, married life IS just like unmarried life with rings, but that, my friends, is wonderful!

...and, no, I am not pregnant.

technology and children's noggins

Friday, July 2, 2010

everybody's working for the weekend

After a week of dealing with disaster at work including a flooded building and union stuff, I am ready for the weekend. My head is stuffed with congestion (thanks mold, mildew, sheet rock dust and, of course, too many thoughts) and my body and mind are plagued with tiredness. I am thrilled for the upcoming three-day weekend to recoup and recharge. Thank you 5th of July!

I want to make this weekend count.
I want to cleanse and refresh.
I want to create something meaningful.
I want to enjoy the joys in my life.
I want to watch fireworks.
I want to make my own sparks.
I want to stretch and move.
I want to give my love away.
I want to breathe out tension.
I want to breathe in the sunshine.
I want to live the life of a puppy.

What are your plans this weekend?