Thursday, December 27, 2007

i am amazed

enter our world
Originally uploaded by misslissa13
I am amazed that every single day I can look at you and feel more in love than I did yesterday.

I am amazed that it took seventeen years of knowing you and not once did I predict that we would be together and in love.

I am amazed how even little things like walking to the bank, hearing you say good morning or holding my hand as we drift off to sleep at night makes me feel so loved.

I am amazed that your laughter is my most prized "possession" and your smile is my security.

I am amazed that we can spend days on end together and still not feel smothered.

I am amazed at our past and the potential of our future.

I am amazed at being here now.

I am amazed at the quantity of our laughter and the quality of our tears.

Not a day passes that I do not feel deep gratitude for having you in my life.

Saturday, December 22, 2007

jesus built my hotrod

jesus built my hotrod
Originally uploaded by misslissa13
This display in the window of an auto parts store in Patchogue, NY reminded me that Jesus built my hotrod.

Thursday, December 20, 2007

because i keep forgetting to call


Yes, to the Eve of Christmas. Need me to bring anything?



raw's what's for dinner!

Originally uploaded by misslissa13
It's been three and a half weeks of eating mostly raw and I am still loving it! I have lost six pounds without thinking about it, without being hungry and while exploring meals I would never have dreamed of trying before. I am feeling fabulous and plan on continue eating mostly raw, adding the occasional cooked meal. I have never eaten this quantity of veggies and fruits daily in my life; an average of seven servings. And that is actually mostly vegetables, with a couple of fruits. I do not have to worry about having to scrub baked on, caked on foods off of the dishes. (a bonus when you have no dishwasher!) I have not had any cravings, even with a plate of fresh baked Christmas cookies sitting in front of my face....literally. (Resisting the sweets is driving some of my coworkers nuts.)

The other day, I made the raw burritos for my parents and they loved them, along with the raw apple pie I brought to top off the meal (pictured left).
As an added bonus, I did not even feel guilty when Greg suggested and we subsequently had dessert (raw fruit cobbler) for dinner.

Everything I am reading says that you do not have to go fully raw to gain benefits. Why not try one raw meal a week? Or once a day? Do some exploring for yourself and see what you come up with......I dare you.....I double dog dare you!


dotted line is met please cut with scissors

dotted line is met
Originally uploaded by misslissa13
It's these little things that make me chuckle.

Wednesday, December 19, 2007

ramble on

I'm never satisfied.....and I don't intend to be. I'm not talking about not finding contentment in what is.........for truly I do. I am just not satisfied with settling for it career, education, plans, goals, relationships..... I am not satisfied with stagnation. Stagnation, which is not the same as stillness....there is constant movement in stillness...the wind blowing, blood swimming, air filling lungs..... I don't want staleness or "stuckness". I want to continue learning, continue growing, continue getting more acquainted with my self and with the Self. Yes, I want to ride the wave of growth and claw through the overgrowth. This is part of the whole.

to cut or grow....

That is the question. Don't know what I want to do with "The Do".

Grow it:
Or keep it snipped for a bit:
Gosh, if only I had all the answers.

heathen of the office

Arg! I cannot take much more mindless, repetitive and pointless work. It isn't even the type of mindless work that you can be fully mindful and transform the nothingness into contemplative moments. On top of that, it amazes me how most of my coworkers behave like this is rocket surgery or brain science....or that, GASP! Momma's coming! Keep busy! Or Momma's somewhere existing in the relative area...Keep busy! I have never witnessed more paranoid gaggle of workers in my life...and I have work in many different work environments. I am amazed that some of them were even annoyed that the pot luck holiday celebration of the office might interfere with their hours of work time. Whew! What would happen if they took a FULL 30 minutes to actually break away from the very important work of making sure corporate chain retail store floors might not get cleaned this week! DOUBLE GASP! They all got plates of food to eat at their desks while continuing to work.

Being observant individuals, we are realizing just how strange and incestuous this company is....don't even get me started on the convoluted familial relationships that fill half the employee pool there. Of course, boss' daughter awkwardly referring to Daddy as "Corporate" and multiple people having the same last names are just two such examples....and everyone puts on a show that they are all just coworkers. Twilight Zone shit, I tell you! It's no wonder they have no problem with Greg and I both working there.

On a work related side note, I have gone on a couple of interviews and things look promising. I cannot wait to once again work a job that isn't ONLY for a paycheck. I don't want to look back ten, twenty, thirty years from now to say, "I'm glad I wasted forty hours each week of my life doing a job that didn't feed my soul, help others or had some other benefit to the world and my life!" Yeah, I'm selfish like that.......psshhht....wanting a job that has meaning! I'm such a heathen....

......oh yeah, I freaked some people out the other day. A coworker yelped that her computer hates her.....I told her, "Computer? That's nothing.....god hates me." Four people gasped that I could say such a thing. What? God doesn't have a sense of humor????? Luckily, I do....AND I don't believe in hell. Bwaa ha ha haaaaaa!!!!

Saturday, December 15, 2007

ignorance aplenty

On rare occasions, trying to find compassion can be difficult. Stepping back to realize that people do and say things partly because they are a product of the environment and society that they were raised can only go so far when they do not take accountability of their own actions and statements. I try to have compassion for everyone but, being human, I sometimes struggle. For example, yesterday at work at my temp job, I heard one of the less-than-classy workers discussing with some other employees what they were going to order for lunch. Now, between her hacking smoker's cough and the tail end of bronchitis, I thought I heard her say something about ordering "Chink" food. Now, I am not quick at jumping to conclusions and I do have some hearing loss, so the first time I wrote it off as an "I must be hearing things" moment. But, no, I was not. I heard her use this same racial slur two more times over the next few minutes.

For those of you who do not know me, I have preface this with: I am not easily offended. I have a twisted sense of humor. I also have no problem if a friend calls me a Pollock when I do something dopey (or any name from my varied heritage) because I take into consideration the intent of the comments. Now when people are using terms ignorantly or hatefully, that has a whole different effect on me. Add on to this the fact that I have a Filipina sister-in-law who I love and respect and my brother was injured because of an intolerant asshole. Top this with being raised as a woman who does not take bullshit from people.....

Needless to say, I was getting livid hearing her use this term. Deep breathing helped keep me from going off on her and subsequently being asked to leave my temp job prematurely. Better to be responsive than reactive in a professional setting. Once centered, I prepared myself to intervene (calmly and maturely) if she used the term again. She was finally calling it Chinese food at this point.

As I continued on with my mindless busy work, I thought about what might have made her feel that it is okay to talk like this around an office. I thought about why she might not have thought or cared that she was offending anyone. I came up empty.

Later in the day, there was talk about pregnancies and babies (another co-worker took the day off because one of her daughters was having her first baby) this same illiberal woman told another coworker how she was glad she smoked during her pregnancy so that her daughter was born small and her labor was easier. (!!!!!!!)

I'm speechless.


One of the reasons I have loved Fishbone since the 80s is that they kick ass musically and lyrically:

Who, Who do you serve?
For whose empire and for whose whims?
Is your honor judged by men?
Will you lie?
Will you lie if they say it's their will?
Will you die or continue to kill?
Until the generals all have their fill

Craven Cowards
Armchair Warriors
You will serve Them well

What, what will you write?
For whose pleasure, for whose delight?
Will your readers see your light?
Will you say...That the singer can't blow you away?
That we hate people just 'cause they're gay
Women and children all stay away

To whom, whom do you pray?
Do dollars wash your sins away?
Does God love cold hard cash?
Do you say...If we all just continue to pay
All our ailments will go away
And our souls will be saved

God's not with you
"Holy Roller"
Your heart dwells in Hell

Why, Why do you run?
Our awareness has spoiled your fun
Our eyes see you too clear
Will you hide
From the joy of expressing our pride
For the leaders and people who've died
While combating your genocide

Chains are breaking
Minds are waking
Soon we'll serve no more...

Thursday, December 13, 2007

Art Every Day Month

It took me a while, but I feel better that I was able to post something representing each day of Art Every Day Month V. Moving during it made if terribly difficult to create art, and then temporarily misplacing the battery charger for my camera did not help either. By no means was I able to put my whole heart and soul into AEDM this year, but it has sparked my interest in art and helped rekindle the "artistic me" lost over the years. I was originally an art major back in the day. Art is back in my life and for that I am grateful. I am ready to dive back fully into the pool.

thoughts without a thinker

I've been thinking a lot about things lately; more so then usual. I've been thinking a lot about my she lived so long on her own, independent, self sufficient and full of she moved into assistant living and had to be put in the Alzheimer's unit, not because she has Alzheimer's but because she kept leaving the building unassisted in an attempt to walk the un-walkable distance to my parents' house. I've been thinking about what goes on in her mind now that she does not reportedly recognize any of us any more. I think about how, between her moments of fear, she still has moments where her smile beams and her face lights up. I wonder if she has memories from this life or if she is very much in the here and now, and is perhaps feeling Zen-like without even trying. I wonder if my grandfather is watching over her, waiting for her to embrace her again. I wonder if she has moments where she sees angels preparing her to be ready to move on and be free from the physical that is slowly failing her. I wonder, when I helped her sit in my mother's car to take her home and I told her I love her and kissed her soft cheek, if she sensed how much I truly love her.

I've been thinking about how difficult this is for my mother; the strong woman who takes everything on with little support, less help and even less complaining. I wonder what I can do to take some of the pain away from her. I wonder where she gets her strength from. I wonder if she knows how much I admire her and am grateful that she is my mother. I think about how much my grandfather is probably surrounding her with love and support since he is definitely her guardian angel.
I wonder if I can get my shit together or at least temporarily pack it aside in order to be more present in what is going on with both of them. I think about doing all that I can to not have any regrets like the one I have from when my "2nd mother" passed away. It is not so much a regret, as it was a lost opportunity.

I have been thinking about love and family. I have been thinking about life and the future. I have been remembering joyful memories. I have been thinking about marriage and children. I have been pondering the differences and similarities between giving up and letting go. And I have come to the conclusion that I am enough, no matter what I am and where I am at.

Monday, December 10, 2007

something to ponder

I just looked up the cost of the war and here's what I roughly figure:

If the government took all that money that was spent on the war in Iraq alone (this time around) and split it equally among every legal citizen of the United States, we would all have over $1500 in our pockets. Not much for the "haves" but it sure would help a lot of people out. Plus, doesn't that seem much nicer than war? Ah, but what do I know....I'm only a member of the working poor and not a politico racking in a nice salary.

Sunday, December 9, 2007

card carrying member

card carrying member
Originally uploaded by misslissa13
But alas, I am not. I still do not know what that pamphlet contains, what secrets it holds......what additional items they wanted kids to beg their parents to buy. Somehow, the late 70's seem so meaningless to me now.

Saturday, December 8, 2007

my question

This question has been resonating in me for some time now. Am I enough? I understand where the seeds of it were sown, but it is only partially still rooted there. The roots have spread to many different soil pots and gardens, gaining nutrients and water from each. Am I enough? It is a question between me in relationship with others. Am I enough? It is a question for myself. It is a question that juxtaposes me within my career and other professionals. It is a question I ask of myself within the Universe. Most importantly it is a question I ask of myself in relationship with myself.
Am I enough?

Wednesday, December 5, 2007

adventures in raw food

adventures in raw food
Originally uploaded by misslissa13
This here adventure into raw foods diet territory can be summed up in the statement: HOLY FREAKIN' YUM! This is a raw butternut squash rice, with cranberry, onion, coriander, cumin, onion and sea salt. I tasted it and thought the avocado and banana were wonderful compliments. This was followed by a piece of Carob Crunch Torte with Raspberry Sauce.

Today, we also received a Christmas card and pictures of two of the most beautiful little girls in the world, my goddaughter and her sister. Two kids that can be summed up in the statement: HOLY FREAKIN' CUTE!!!!

Now I am going to go cuddle up with Greg. HOLY FREAKIN' HAPPINESS!

Life is good, folks, life is good! Hope you all had moments of joy in your day, too.

Monday, December 3, 2007

ho ho ho

Yeah, that's right! I said it! Ho Ho Ho! You offended???? Get over it. I think I will hug any Santa I see that does not cave to political correctness.

i wonder...

I wonder how much less Salvation Army holiday season bell ringers take in now that no one seems to carry cash anymore. Perhaps if they set up next to those CoinStar change machines donations would increase.......or will people just start rolling their own change?

Do not forget to give a little extra for those that have less. Charity, in whatever form, not only helps others but makes you feel all warm and fuzzy inside. Win-Win.

everything old is new again

Being back on the Island is proving to be quite an experience. I am not sure how to take it yet. When I was driving the moving truck from East Providence, the ride was interesting. As I drove up the five exits of 195, I looked at the Providence skyline for the last time and felt a pang of sadness to be leaving so soon. The experience somehow feels incomplete. Noticing the sign at the 95 split pointing the way to New York, I felt a small sense of hope and happiness. The bulk of the drive was uneventful. The truck's dashboard lights were not illuminating and Greg was having trouble driving his car as "slow" as I was traveling until I said it was fine for him to drive ahead. I listened to music and sang along to the songs I knew (even to some that I did not). All was well until I got half way through Nassau County. Tears welled up a bit and I felt a tinge of sadness that I could not explain. Crossing over the Suffolk County line, full fledged sobbing commenced.

After having a couple of days to settle in, I have noticed how familiar and yet foreign everything on the Island seems. It has been over five years since I have resided here. I forgot some of the routes to different places. Stores have gone out of business and new strip malls have been built. People still drive aggressively. Life is busy. I need to take some moments to really think about what it means to me to be back here and decide what happens next. What will transpire, I am not sure. I am filled with curiosity.

Sunday, December 2, 2007

tag! i'm it!

So, I have officially been tagged for the first time in Dr. Schnookleheimer history. This came from Ann Michele and her blog Operation Simplify (I dig her blog name).

She created and titled this tag guest relations informational request:

After being on MySpace and Friendster for way too long, it is nice to get tagged for something geared towards those of us who have been out of school and out of touch for a while.

Rules, regulations and size requirements:
(1) Name the top 5 reasons that if you ran into someone from high school they would totally recognize you.
(2) Name the top 5 reasons if you ran into someone from high school they would totally NOT recognize you.
(3) Name the top 5 reasons why you would NOT want them to recognize you.
(4) Name the top 5 people you would not mind randomly running into from high school someday, and of course why.
(5) Your favorite memory of that person.

Okay, here it goes:
(1) Top 5 reasons they would totally recognize you.
1-I still have my curly, curly hair
2-I still hang with the same best friend, Bernadette, since Junior High
3-I am still a little bit of a freak and have my weird sense of humor
4-I still have a fuck off attitude ("Cause we're all livin' in a fucked, up, world")
(yeah, that would still be some of the same musical interests)
5-I have shacked up with someone I have known since high school

(2) Top 5 reasons they would totally NOT recognize you.
1-My curly, curly hair is much, much shorter than it ever was in high school
2-My hair is a normal color and style (no more purple hair and punk style)
3-I do not own combat boots anymore and rarely wear my 16 hole Dr Martins
4-Oh, yes, I admit it, I've put on weight
5-I have become a responsible adult.....w/a fuck off attitude ;)

(3) Name the top 5 reasons why you would NOT want them to recognize you.
1-Because I like to mess with people. I'd act all freaked out that they didn't recognize me and leave them wondering just who the heck I am.
2-Because I am incognito and would not want them to blow my cover.
3-Because I can find out the dirt on what they thought of that freak Melissa they knew from high school
4-Because "they" will find me and take me back to the Mother Ship
5- Actually, I would hope they all would recognize me....well, except that one guy.

(4) Name the top 5 people you would not mind randomly running into from high school someday, and of course why.
1-Heather L. I have always wondered what she has been up to and how she is doing in life.
2-Ryan A. Because he was my HS sweetheart and we broke up on good terms. I would like to know if he is doing well.
3-Brian L. Because he was one of my guy friends who I never should have lost touch with. I did find out through another friend, that he and his wife are living not too far from where I just moved. I may have to hunt them down.
4-Trish B. Because she was my elementary school best friend.
5- Malachy Well, I'm actually in touch with him via the Internet but he lives upstate and I would love to see him in person. He is one of those dear friends who will always be important in my life and has always been a true friend.

(5) Your favorite memory of that person.
1-Heather - She would laugh and giggle all the time. She was so much fun to be around. We made up a song about the guy we had a crush on in Junior High.
2-Ryan - Going to hardcore shows and he was the first boyfriend who would "defend my honor".
3-Brian - Joking around, making up stupid shit, "stage diving" on Larry or Gerard on the walk to the deli, doing stupid shit in Larry's Impala convertible to make pedestrians laugh.
4-Trish - Kindergarten class, talking too much and getting in trouble for the first time in school.
5-Mal - Hanging out in my pool and talking about music.

hmmmm who to tag?..........
Greg Groovy/Model Citizen (blog encouragement, baby)
anyone who feels like doing it! TAG! YOU'RE IT!!!!!

Friday, November 30, 2007

so raw, you might need ointment

Monday was the first day of the thirty-days mostly raw diet. The "mostly" is because I am still drinking coffee. I admit it, I am quite the java-junking, the coffee-craver and the caffeine-consumer. I also do not want to get one heck of a wicked withdrawal headache but, honestly, that is just an excuse to not stop imbibing my liquid vice. Other than that, the diet has been raw, raw, raw.

The tangible plan began over the weekend. We put together a tentative week long menu and from that I extrapolated a shopping list. Now having just moved, we did not have much of anything in the pantry. This was a major shopping voyage.

First stop, Cornucopia in Sayville, NY. I had not been to this little gem of a health food store in about five and a half years, but it is still how I remembered: small business, friendly feel with mostly exorbitant prices. Where else are you going to get some of the raw essentials, especially when we were not plugged in to order things online? Exactly!

Next, we headed over to Costco, to stock up on some bulk items and fresh produce. It is much cheaper to buy nuts there than the food store. Of course, you have to read labels to make sure they are raw and not roasted, toasted or otherwise heated. I think this is the first time that I only made purchases that were actually on my list. Go, me!

Last stop of the day, good, old fashioned Long Island food store. Dang! They were out of lemons and we did get screwed on the price of some nori sheets...that were toasted, incidentally. (Okay, so coffee and 5 nori sheets were not raw....we'll live.)

Back at the apartment (which still is not fully in order) we unloaded and put away all our yummy treasures. I took a moment to admire the beautiful aesthetics of the produce, nuts and spices on the kitchen island. At that point, my excitement was almost tangible.

As for the meals, let me just tell you, I have never experienced such a wonderfully full flavor experience. There have been a couple of "okay-but-we-need-to-tweak-this-if-we-are-going-to-make-it-again" recipes, but most of the recipes have been amazing and delicious beyond belief. Seriously some of the best tasting food I have ever eaten. Even after only five days, I have come to notice some changes in myself, physically and mentally.

Here are some of my observations:
I truly look forward to eating and am not obsessing about it. It is more of a pleasure rather than a glutenous activity trying to satiate some form of emptiness.

Live foods, especially in the right combination, taste amazingly dynamic. I feel good after I eat; I am full and energetic rather than stuffed and lethargic.

My body, mind and soul are satisfied, actually satisfied, and content, very content. I can not explain how eating this way feels in it's totality; it is just something that needs to be experienced.

I feel light. This, too, is difficult to explain. I know I have not lost in the way of weight since it has only been five days (well, actually, I do not know that since the battery is not back in the scale yet. Just an assumption.) but I feel lighter, my clothes fit better, I do not feel bloated or uncomfortable by any means.

Even with the dry, chilled air, my dry skin is not so dry anymore. I suppose the higher amounts of healthier fats, notably the EFAs, must be helping.

My energy level is not spiking or dropping. I am not even getting the post-lunch, mid-afternoon sleepies....even at a boring job.

When I am hungry, I eat. There is no guilt or worry about what I am putting in my body. Everything, even the occasional indulgent snacks, are incredibly healthful and full of nutrients.

When I am full, I stop. It is amazing how quickly I feel full. I am sure the higher fiber content contributes to this. I also feel like my body is not wanting more and more in order to try and obtain the vitamins and minerals it needs when I have filled up on empty calories.
(Baja Cheeze Burrito w/Taco Nut Meat and Red Pepper Corn Salsa)

People react oddly when you rack out a spread of non-typical foodstuff and they sometimes project their own discomfort onto you. For example, Greg and I were eating our lunch when one of our co-workers had to keep commenting about the fact that we were eating "cabbage an' stuff". She continued saying, (insert bad cliche' New Yawk ack-scent here) "You's are makin me feel guilty 'bout eatin' mah lunch wit you eatin dat healthy stuff in heya. I feel like a chubba, me an mah chubby belly."

My list to Santa is going to have some kitchen gadgets on it.

I have not craved any cooked food or junk food.

I have had three dreams about working for three different courier services including FedEx, UPS and the United Postal Service. However, I have my doubts that it has anything to do with eating a raw foods diet.

That is all for now. Thanks for reading. I am going to go to bed and dream about DHL.

Thursday, November 29, 2007

office space character one: the worker bee

Working a temp job is allowing me to steep in the tea of the cubical microcosm again. What a sociological experiment in action!

To set the setting, please note that the office that we are working is not the type of place I would consider for a career. It is a job that is strictly for the paycheck, something I cannot do for too long without feeling stifled and constricted. It's an office. It has cubicle walls. Mindless and repetitive paper shuffling and phone calling. Not in my field of study and not the type of work that contributes to society in a way that I would find some sort of soul-satisfaction. I do not dread it nor do I look forward to it. It just is, and I accept that. I will not be there long. (They already mentioned that they want to offer us permanent position with the company. Mind you, this is nothing to feed my ego. Having worked through temp agencies before, I have come to the conclusion that if you have half a brain and act in a professional manner, the bosses fall all over you with job offers. It always made me wonder how bad previous temps have been considering I never thought what I was doing was anything out of the ordinary. But I digress.)
One thing that makes the job more interesting is the observation of the different subgroups of workers and their interactions, or lack there of, with each other.
The first group, and the ones that I spontaneously named first, are the worker bees. These are the one's who constantly keep their nose in their paperwork, only to raise them to tsk-tsk anyone who takes a moment break outside of the occasional trip to the john and the strict half-hour only break in the eight and a half hour work day. They appear to take their job so seriously that they would not waste a moment of productivity by going to the kitchen, imbibing in some coffee and taking one too many piss breaks. I also get the sense that they have such a fear of getting yelled at and flogged by the bosses for standing up to stretch. I actually saw one of these higher up Worker Bees, yell at another temp as if she was a schoolmarm keeping the children in their rows. The temp had simply reached for something in her purse, noticed there was some chewing gum on her camera and took it out to wipe off the offending gum before putting it back into her purse. Worker Bee scolder her with a stern "Put that away!" command while walking swiftly by and rolling her eyes. Wow, now who would not want to work under that strict eye??? Sad thing is, as integral of a cog that these Worker Bees thing they are in the grand scheme of the work mechanism...everyone of them is easily replaceable.
Mind you, I was raised to have solid work ethic. I get my work done and I have even been known to go above and beyond at times. But there has to be a moment where you step back and realize that most jobs are just that: JOBS. Do you want to work for just a paycheck? Do you want to spend forty-hours a week focusing on some imagined goal that is the ruse or subterfuge to the task of making money for the CEO? That is what these Worker Bees seem to do. I wonder what their perceived satisfaction is in what they are doing, if there is any. Is their worth as humans determined by their output of the machine? Again the bottom line is, we leave and another takes our place. Does that sound like you are worth something?
That is all for tonight. Apologies for any grammar issues. I am way too tired to proofread. Editing will occur over the weekend. I have to go get some rest so I can be a model temp tomorrow (hey, I did mention that I was working just for the paycheck right now. Yeah, I'm a fucking hypocrite, but I have the title under my name: TEMP. Woot Woot!)

Wednesday, November 28, 2007

holy crow!

It is about time we got this sucker hooked up! Yes, bless Cablevision's little heart, we have finally been reconnected to the mind-numbing realm of info-tainment! And here I am, after purging through 872 emails to enhance my male potency, purchase authentic replica watches and buy all of my pharmaceuticals cheap, cheap, cheap........and reading and responding to emails of friends who probably thought I was ignoring them....I am just popping in to say hello. It is creeping in on midnight and my neurons aren't so sharp so I will return tomorrow....more rested and synaptically stimulated.

Thursday, November 22, 2007

...ork new york new york new york new y...

We're getting settled and should be plugged back in some time tomorrow. Woot Woot! It has been an exhausting week. Moved in on Sunday, started a temp job on Monday, living out of boxes....all the fun stuff. But, boy, do I have some tales to tell! Now, I am going to enjoy some Thanksgiving side dishes....I'm the only vegetarian in the family....and some pumpkin bars!!!! Triple woot woot woot!

Friday, November 16, 2007

my week wrapped in brown cardboard boxes

my week
Originally uploaded by misslissa13
As of later today, I will be without internet connection for a spell. We are shutting off service in our soon-to-be-former apartment and our new service is not scheduled to be installed until December 8th. *sigh* I will be checking in periodically at my folks' house since I will be within driving distance for the first time in about five years. This hiatus of services will also make it difficult to post my Art Every Day Month stuff. I will have to do some catch up in December but I covered my ass through Sunday by posting four photos in the group today. See? Forward thinking!

Uprooting and moving again is bringing up stress and self examination, as it always does. I am riding the wave of it and seeing what transpires. That is really all I can do. Introspection gets deeper at these times, as does "future thought". What will the next chapter of life include? What goals will I reach? What will change? What will stay stagnant? Do not get me wrong, I actually enjoy the pensive and even the sometimes somber thinking. It reminds me that I am real, and being real is what it's all about. I am sure there will be some deeper posts forthcoming.

Since I dismantled our desk last night, I have been sitting here on the floor, amongst the boxes, with my feet falling asleep. It time to face the day, finish up the loose ends and finalize the packing. See you in a few days!


Tuesday, November 13, 2007

packing, art, packing, raw food planning, packing and...uh...packing

packing packing packing
Originally uploaded by misslissa13
And taking some time to walk and take some pictures for Art Every Day Month. This picture is not one of them....these are really...they are. Greg and I have been checking "to do's" off the list and slowly packing. We have got the rental truck reserved for Saturday and have a couple of friends and family helping on both ends of the move. Whew! Though the more the merrier. (nudge, nudge, wink, wink, say no more)

As for my daily art, pictures have been the easiest way since most everything is in chaos. Well not total chaos, just unique disarray. I have also been doodling with my Sharpies (oh my, that sounds a little perverted out of context) and letting myself "play" with ink and paper. It has been quite fun. I will have to scan some of them to share soon.

Other than that, we have been trying to get some exercise in to our days and I am putting together a thirty-day primarily raw foods menu for the time between Thanksgiving and Christmas. I just read through Ani Phyo's book, Ani's Raw Food Kitchen, which has some amazing recipes I am looking forward to making. We will see how we feel after thirty days and will adjust what percentage of raw foods work for us in the long term. That should also be long enough to detox our bodies, get past that initial ucky-detoxy feeling and see how good we feel. I will keep you updated as things transpire.

That is all for now, folks. Here are the pictures I chose for AEDM (lots more photos on flickr):


Saturday, November 10, 2007

dusk through the window blinds

I have taken pictures through this window many times over the past year. I have no idea why I am drawn to this particular window as a photo frame, I just am. This is another submission for Art Every Day Month.

art every day month

curtain call
Originally uploaded by misslissa13
With things in flux, it has been a little difficult creating art every day. Today, I played around with the camera and posted three photos. Though they were quickly taken and altered with Picture it!, I actually like the way they came out. I think I will go draw now.


the art of leaving

gentle exit
Originally uploaded by
misslissa13 Art Every Day Month Entry

We are back in Rhode Island for our final week as Rhodies. I say that slightly in jest, since I do not know if I feel at all like a Rhody. Perhaps it is because I have not lived here more than a year, perhaps it is just my stubborn resistance. Whatever it is, I have to say, I feel more Coloradan than Rhody, and more New Yorker than that.

All of the moving I have done, all the places I have lived and all the states I have resided have helped me learn more about myself. My time in Colorado had a profound affect on me. I moved there, not knowing a soul and only having been to the state once, and that was for my interview at Naropa. It was scary and exciting, hard and growth provoking. I loved every difficult moment of the experience, for it forced me out of my comfort zone and into deep self exploration. Much of the time I was also in the throes of a relationship that triggered a lot of self-doubt. On the other end, I would not have changed a thing.

As for leaving RI, I am slightly saddened about leaving; feeling like this experience is not quite done. It is also sparking twinges of missing Colorado. Moving back to New York is also stirring up many layers of emotion. Frustration, excitement, nostalgia, hope, joy of being closer to loved ones, stress of moving, thrill of new goes on. Most layers are positive and I am curious as to what these next few years will bring. Greg studying acupuncture, me studying nutrition, starting my therapy practice, being grounded in a single place for a few years, getting to see the people I love on a regular basis and having new opportunities are just some of the things I am looking forward to.

Change, as always, is happening, outside and within.

Thursday, November 8, 2007

once a punk

....always a punk. Just giving you an update about what is happening here.

- I have not created any art these past couple of days, but I have been thinking of some things I want to do.

- We are getting a post office box in our soon-to-be new town today.

- Greg is upgrading his very-outdated cell phone and getting me one. Can you believe it? Not only am I going to have a cell phone again (it has been five years or so) but I have a man who truly enjoys taking care of me. He must think I'm special!

- We are setting up a rental truck to officially move in a week and a half (!!!). I am curious to see how many of our friends make themselves scarce that weekend to avoid having to help with the heavy lifting. ;)

- We are planning a 30-day mostly raw menu to follow between Thanksgiving and Christmas. I just want to see how my body reacts to it and help detox after all the pumpkin bars I plan on consuming at Thanksgiving. (Some of you know what my mother's pumpkin bars are and can relate as to why I plan on enjoying every morsel of pumkiny-goodness I can. Those of you who do not, trust me, they are fantastic. E-mail me if you want the recipe.)

- We will be starting work through a temp agency shortly after we move and I will be starting my own therapy practice in a couple of months. Woot woot! More on that soon.

- And, yes, that is me on the right side of the picture circa 1988. Cute, eh? Well I must be off to get stuff done with my Greg. Until later, folks. Cheers!

Monday, November 5, 2007

art every day month

yellow stairs
Originally uploaded by misslissa13
So here is entry number five. I had my camera with me on my last day of work and was able to take some pictures of this building across the street from my (now former) work building. There are more photos on flickr too. Sorry this is brief folks, I have to boogie out of here something quick-like.

Sunday, November 4, 2007

and so it continues

Addendum to my post this morning. I just got an email from former roommate Kerry that he and Christine are moving back to New York this month! What a wacky Universe we are living in! God I love these synchronicities.

art every day month

Here is my November 4th submission. It is also my last day being on call for my job since tomorrow is my last day working there. No calls all week until today, and sheesh, I have had a few. Nothing like going out with style. Well, I managed to do some doodling in between phone calls and box packing. At least I am multitasking and being productive....and I have the doodling to keep me sane.

don't worry, there's no quiz at the end

This will by no means make anything clearer. It will, however, back up the fact that life is never boring and is filled with lots of synchronicity. Ready for some head spinning? Here we go:

Map 1
1 Lake Grove, NY
2 Lafayette, CO
3 Boulder, CO (apt B1)
4 Boulder, CO (apt B2)
5 Boulder, CO (apt B3)
6 Denver, CO (apt D1)
7 Denver, CO (apt D2)
8 East Providence, RI
9 Patchogue, NY

Cast of players:
Melissa - yours truly
Greg - the best!
E - ex #1
L - ex #1's wife
A - ex #2
Kerry - roommate

- Grew up in location 1, where my folks still live (yay!)
(There was an incidental move 7 miles away to Sayville, NY, but considering I am focusing on the past in under 6...years, I will ignore this know, to keep it simple. haha)
- Moved to location 2 to start grad school
- Moved to location 3 to be closer to grad school and far away from crazy woman I subleased from
- Moved to location 4 when A was moving out with dog S
- Moved to location 5 when things with A took a turn for the worse
- Moved to 6 with roommate Kerry when building 5 was sold and new owners were converting it back to a one family
- Moved to 7 (Greg's Denver apartment) when lease with Kerry was up and his fiance' was moving in
- Moved to 8 when 7 lease was up
- We are currently in the middle of move to 9

Okay, that part was relatively simple. Here are some crazy synchronicity (see if you can follow):
- All players involved were originally from Long Island (some never left)
- Began friendship with Greg when we were teens living 9 miles apart
- Greg and E went to HS together
- Me and L went to HS together
- Greg and L graduated the same year
- Me and E graduated the same year
- E shares a birthday with my father
- Lost touch with Greg some time after Community College
- While dating E, we both took a poetry class taught by A
- E broke up with me and began dating L, engaged 6 months later and eventually married
- After class ended and grades were in, I began dating, and eventually becoming engaged to A
- A introduced me to Transpersonal Psychology which is how I learned about Naropa University for my grad work
- Moved almost 2000 miles to 1, then 2, and, while at 3, A moved to CO
- Moved to 4, 5, then 6
- I did not know roommate Kerry while living in NY. Met him through a mutual friend from LI about the time when Kerry's former roommate moved out and I needed a place. That worked out well. Got a place to live and gained valuable friendship.
- Kerry's fiance' and I share the same birthday
- While at 6, found Greg's profile online stating that he just so happened to be moving to Denver the next month
- Greg moved, friendship reunited, love grew
- Moved in with Greg at 7
- Moved about 2000 miles together to 8
- Planning and in the process of move to 9
- E and L also live at 9

Did you follow all that? Did not think so!

Map 3:
Greg and I both moved about 2000 miles to fall in love with each other and move back to a place (C) 11 miles from where I grew up (A) and 6 miles from where he grew up (B). And we'll be living down the hall from E and L.

Okay, I think I got this all of this straight. Life is certainly never boring!

Saturday, November 3, 2007

art for november 2nd and 3rd

So this, my second and third entry for the Art Every Day Month, come from a laugh we were having yesterday evening. My coworkers, boss, Greg and I went out for a "going away shindig" after work yesterday. We enjoyed our time at the new location of a restaurant and bar called Cuban Revolution in Providence. Decorated with radical decor and art, we laughed at the idea that Chris, our boss, would probably love to have a stencil-like art piece of himself in the office depicting the same style as the one by our table. So, of course my mind ran with it. I came home last night and printed out a photo I have of boss-man. I then converted it into an pen and ink drawing in a stencil-like style. That was as far as I got last night.

Today, I took my chances at playing around with Photoshop, a program I have zero experience with. Under the tutelage of Greg, I was able to create an extremely similar-to-the-piece-at-the-restaurant version of my boss.
Thank goodness my coworkers and boss have good senses of humor, and they appreciate mine. This Art Every Day Month project is a lot of fun. Until tomorrow....cheers, Melissa

Friday, November 2, 2007

blessed be our rent

Thank you, Apartmentos, for granting us access and acceptance to a brand shiny new apartment!

Woot woot!

and a little sadness creeps in and is painted

i see fishes
Originally uploaded by misslissa13

A slight sadness has crept into my stomach this morning. This is the second to last day at my job in Providence. I am going to miss the kids I have worked with this past year, most of whom are really great kids with really tough lives. They were born into chaos and this chaos seems to perpetuate even more chaos. Many of them will be in my thoughts for years to come. I will wonder and hope that their lives have turned around and that they have come out stronger or at least relatively unscathed. I know many of them will not; I am realistic. But I am also hopeful. None of them are a lost cause.

What can I say about my coworkers....they are an amazing group of gifted, caring individuals. Strong women and insightful men, all possessing amazing and unique personalities and the ability to laugh and stay balanced (most of the time).

Change happens and I love it! No stagnation, always growing and moving forward, enjoying each step of the way. Luckily, I have decided to participate in Art Every Day Month (AEDM) to keep me grounded in this major transition time. I found this idea from Leah on her blog. She has been quite an inspiration to me. Check out her blog, her art is lovely, as well as her journey through life. Here are the basic guidelines I loosely copied from her blog:

November 2007: Fifth Annual Art Every Day Month
Rules are simple: Make art every day for the month of November, post it on your blog if you can, and have fun with it! Art is loosely defined here, just be creative in any way your heart desires (painting, collage, doodle, drawing, clay, poem, video, music, knitting, whatever!) Even if you just make art every week or once this month, the goal is simply to bring more creativity into your life. November 2007 is the 5th year of AEDM. Feel free to join in the fun! Be an Everyday Creative, Be Creative Every Day!

You can "sign up" by leaving a comment on her AEDM post. I did in order to hold myself accountable and not flake out on this. Art is therapeutic for me and this is a good way to continue getting back in touch with that side of myself. Please let me know if you are coming along for the ride. I will be keeping you all updated as to what I am working on. For yesterday's work I want to share this:

Is it art? I do not know. The other day I was gathering my snacks and lunch to bring to work. While getting a bag to tote these yummy delights, I walked back and noticed the lovely array of colors I was planning on consuming that day. I was struck by the variety. Unfortunately, the photos came out a bit blurry, which I did not realize since I was in a hurry to get to work. Alas, after work, the palette had already been consumed so I could not recreate it. I am glad, though, because this was unplanned, spontaneous art that just occurred in my daily grind. Life is amazing, we just need to take those moments to see it's awe.

I look forward to sharing this AED Month-long journey with you. I have curiosity of what will transpire throughout the move and my increased access to my art supplies, many of which are stored at my parents' house in New York. I also look forward to seeing what others are creating for this month (and beyond).



Wednesday, October 31, 2007

i'm floating on air not smog

Glancing back, I notice that many of my recent posts have been quite lighthearted. I attribute this to being in a good place in my mind. I know moving is stressful....this is move eight in six years...but I just feel wonderfully calm. There are a lot of things contributing to this. It could be because this move should settle us in one place for the next few years. Relocating closer to family and friends, as well as career opportunities opening up to me adds to this. Being in a healthy relationship helps. I am sure being in touch with my creative side is being a stabilizing force as well. Embracing change is joyous to me. Whatever else contributes to the lightheartedness, you, dear readers, will just have to deal!

Enjoy the ride.
The Pilot

oh shitski!

Oh my goodness, this is just too brilliant not to share! I love people and humanity and all of the quirks that they possess. Someone in cyberworld found my blog by doing the following Google search:

Referring URL:
Search Engine:
Search Words: shitski polish definition
Which lead them to my post: vicarious living and polish reminiscing

That is fuckingski fantastic! I love people!

Tuesday, October 30, 2007

prayer to st. apartmentos

We need some positive energy for us to get approved for a new apartment and for a smooth and easy move. We have boxes all over, job interviews set up and a vague timeline. Now we just need to start tying up the loose ends, including securing a new residence. So we ask you, St. Apertmentos, give us a blessing.

yum, squirrel

Just thought I'd share in case you were missing your Jersey Squirrel Jerky:
Squirrels safe to eat again in New Jersey
Tuesday, October 30th 2007, 4:00 AM

TRENTON - You may now resume eating the squirrels.

In January, the Garden State warned hunters and residents near a toxic waste dump in Ringwood in North Jersey to limit their consumption of squirrel after the feds thought they found lead in a dead squirrel. Officials now say it was a false alarm.

The Environmental Protection Agency said a blender used to process the squirrel's tissue samples was defective - and that the lead believed to be in the squirrel actually came from a part of the blender.

That's good news for members of the Ramapough Mountain Indian Tribe and others who like squirrel meat. It's bad news, however, for the squirrels.

News Wire Services

Sunday, October 28, 2007

groovy tomato

groovy tomato
Originally uploaded by misslissa13
Greg is working a long shift at work today. As I spend my day boxing up some of our things, I have lots of time to think. Packing up books and mementos belonging to Greg, I look at the wide assortment of books, from punk to Buddhism to beer to DIY. A good reminder that he is intelligent and curious and can hold his own in conversation and debate. Placing some back issues of UTV in a box, I take a short break and skim through a number of his columns. I think back to having met him so many years ago and to the coincidence of him moving to Denver while I am living there, of reuniting our friendship and realizing that I found love, of our week-long move cross country, and of setting up our first apartment. I remember our first kiss near my car on the street next to his apartment on Sherman Street. I think of introducing him to yoga and of days spent biking on trails together. I recall the mini-vacations we took to the White Mountains and the Berkshires to go hiking.

This has been a great day, not just for the productivity in the packing process, but in the moments thinking about my love. The longer I am with him, the more wonderful I realize he is. I do not know what our future holds, I just want to spend today enjoying the fact that I am with him - this amazing man who supports me in being my best.

Saturday, October 27, 2007

everyday sunshine

It is amazing how therapeutic music can be. Today, I was feeling unable to do...well, anything. But, at this late hour, I listened to some music and feel totally uplifted. Tomorrow, I will start with music first thing and have a better day.

Fishbone - one of my all time favorite bands!

Friday, October 26, 2007

my model citizen

Today, I would like to share one of the things I love about Greg: his no BS, quirky, ranting writing-style. I have always loved reading his stuff. He is honest, raw, sometimes gruff and hysterical in his cynical realism. We first met back in the late 1980s when I snail-mailed his early zine, Watching Sister Vomit, so I could learn and network for my own zine Remote Exile. He had a column "Model Citizen" in the publication Under the Volcano for about 16 years (they recently stopped producing the print version). Well, he decided to start an online blog, Greg Groovy Model Citizen. This morning I read his profile again and it was a perfect reminder of the above-mentioned reasons as to why I love his writing:


"About Me:
Turning PUNK into a bad cliche since 1985...or at least responsible for turning the last of the literate finger tips into black (probably toxic) ink covered digits. After the demise of WATCHING SISTER VOMIT, the MODEL CITIZEN began his days as a disgruntled columnist (ahem.. BASTARD AT LARGE) for the bi monthly toilet reader Under The Volcano, besides regularly helping irregular readers pass some harsh movements.. very little other positives can be attributed to the MC output. Attempting to keep up with the Jones' and other high brow levels of douche baggery.. the Model Citizen has joined the rank and file epidemic of global virtual schmuckdom and started blogging-though the riotous punk phrase would be something like.. typing - I mean 'fighting for change'."


I am hoping he gets inspired to get back into writing full-force. Perhaps I can encourage him to re-post some of his earlier pieces as an archive so those of you who did not get the pleasure of reading his column in UTV can get a chance to see them.

Thursday, October 25, 2007

felix the clinician

Felix the Cat II
Originally uploaded by misslissa13
My job has a pumpkin contest between programs and I was nominated to decorate the one for the Network. This year's theme is cartoon characters. I did this freehand using marker, acrylic paint, wire, paper and tape....oh yeah, and pumpkin. There is no irony that I found it therapeutic....making a pumpkin...for my job....where we provide therapy. Who knows, maybe we'll win! Then I can leave this job on a silly, yet positive note. Of course, my last day is probably before the prize is provided anyway. There are a few more pictures on flickr if you care to see some details. Okay, bedtime, folks!

Wednesday, October 24, 2007

martha's got chocolate on her sweatshirt

You know what is the only thing that makes me tolerate Martha Stuart and her perfectionist image? Picturing her at home, with dust on her shelves, dirty dishes in the sink and her donning sweat pants with a hole in the knee and mismatched socks and eating Ben and Jerry's from the container. It makes it easier for me to be kind to myself with the fact that I am far from the "perfect homemaker" as you can imagine. I attempt to be organized and cleaver with things, but it just does not happen.

I began packing this week for the move. Not in any kind of methodical way, not in any way that makes sense, I just dove in. Books with shoes, big piles of semi-organized stuff to go through, a vague plan of what order to do thing......and I like it that way. I do not want to stress about things. It will all get done. It always does. I have become a master mover over the past five years. I look forward to settling down in one place for a few years and saving up to buy our first house (our "Ikea House" if you will). And even then, I will be an Ikea Homemaker. Making it look good on the surface, while knowing that, underneath, things could be done to a higher quality. And I will be okay with that, knowing that things are good and somewhat together and neat in it's own way. And in my world, shoes and books co-mingling in the same cardboard home is perfection.

Monday, October 22, 2007


on a wind and a prayer
Originally uploaded by misslissa13
"There is no fear of the cycle of birth, life and death. For when you stand in the present moment, you are timeless."

-Rodney Yee

Friday, October 19, 2007

people i love no particular order and absolutely not all inclusive. Unfortunately, a lot of my photos are on Greg's computer that has decided to take a long vacation from working.

Me and Grandma being silly

Me and Grandma
Me and Grandpa (aka Dr. Schnookleheimer)
My high school buddy now living on the left coast John (who better start blessing us with a new blog soon)

My friend Terry from SCCC and beyond (he emailed me his boo boo work injury)
Jen and Me (This photo is from one of the many New Year's Eve Extravaganzas)
Me, Bernadette and Jen at Bern's bridal shower

Jen's Aidan
Dahlia and Deborah (coworker and her daughter)
Craig (he's worse than me at returning phone calls, but he still rocks)
Of course, my lovely Greg
Me and my Dad
My goddaughter Lily
My niece Annalise
Me, my mom, brother Paul, and dad at my Naropa Graduation
Rich, me, Greg, mom, Paul and Joanne at my department graduation
Ah, not only does this make me realize that many of my pictures are un-gettable at the moment, but that there are many more I need to take and memories I need to make. So many people have touched my life and continue to play important roles in it. I think I will make it my mission to get more (and current) pictures of all my loved ones, past and present. Perhaps a photo album, a tangible one that I can thumb through and remind myself of what is important when I lose my way. This also gives me a reason to actively plan get-togethers. Yay!