I have been having trouble writing lately. Getting my thoughts in order, getting my life in order, order within the chaos. There is this recent struggle between me and my relationship with the number 35. Birthday's and getting older never really bother me, but this year, my 35th revolution around the sun (towards the end of the month), I feel intensely self-reflective, introspective and perhaps a little pensive.
Maybe with age comes wisdom or at least deeper awareness. I am experiencing a greater awareness of the line between internal and external, that point where they touch and blend, and how that line moves or exists in multiple places simultaneously, and even how that boundary dissipates without prompting.
There is a greater awareness of relationships with all the people I connect with daily, both physically and by brainwaves only. Observations of how each one affects me and how I affect them, fills my mind.
My awareness of my relationship with myself has grown tremendously. I have noted subtle changes in my thought processes. I have new experiences with and understanding of the emptiness inside. I have explored more of the intricacies of my psyche. I have a new understanding of The Wife and The Mother. I am gaining perspective and clarity on my past. I am healing the split between mind and body, and that rift grows closer every day.
There is so much happening on the internal physically, spiritually and mentally, and I am struggling with the means of getting it to the external. I sense the floodgates with spring open soon.
2 comments:
Now where'd I leave those galoshes?
milestone birthdays are so weird....they make you think too much.....i'm turning 30 this year in july.....i don't like the thought of me being out of my 20's.....but then again, i never really have felt my age.....i feel about 45 so turning 30 shouldn't really bother me....
hope you have a good one.....we'll be celebrating avery's 1st birthday tomorrow....i'm so excited!!
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