getting off 'shrooms for good

No, not the hallucinogenic type....I'm talking to you, edible ones. Crimini, shitaki, white button, baby bellas, and especially you, Portabella Caps! I know, I know I have said this before, but now I am averring it to this here cyber-land to cement my will and let the world know I am staying away from you...you, you tasty fungi! We used to have a good, honest relationship. I was happy to marinate, grill or saute you, to consume you with great enjoyment, and you willingly let me do so. I trusted you and your sporish goodness, for many happy years. Then you turned on me and things have not been the same since. Shame on you! Sure you give off your attractive aroma while sizzling in the griddle with a little olive oil and garlic. You openly let me put you on some whole wheat bread with the tomato and a little taste of raw goat cheese. You even let me indulge in your deliciousness over and over again, year after year. But things are different now. Things changed when you decided to start playing kung fu with my stomach and origami with my intestines. I kept giving you chance after chance, thinking that the old lovable you was still in there somewhere. But no. Well, this time I have had enough. We are through. No longer will I be tempted by your tender meaty-like texture and your juicy marinated goodness. No, you cannot convince me otherwise. Just go, leave...please. Fool me once shame on you, fool me eighty-seven times, well, I'm a bit of a forgetful dolt... but no more. And to think, you were in my list of top favorite foods. You now reside on that list over there with Chocolate and his "make my arms itch" attitude. Alas, like it is with him, I will always love you and what we used to have, but you can no longer be ingested by me. Farewell, love, fare thee well. (single tear running down my cheek)