Thursday, April 17, 2008

sick and too hard on myself

Upon rising from bed the room whipped around so quickly, I stumbled over to the left (yes, the left). Apparently, my sinuses had some hidden congestion that it wasn't letting my nose in on; I could breathe just fine but, oh, the spinning! I resorted to taking some sinus meds first thing, but an hour later every turn, tilt or bend of the head sent me on a nauseating roller coaster ride....and I usually love roller coasters (read: obsessed even). But this was not fun. I felt my head heat up and the decongestant did nothing but make me thirsty. Needless to say, I called in sick at work. There was no way I would have been able to drive in any semblance of a straight line. (I know, you never go straight, go forward. If you stay straight you eventually hit something. Forward has more leeway. But I digress.)

The first three hours at home, I was only able to keep my head in one position in order to cease the spins. Was this a comfortable position? Not particularly. I had to keep it tilted at about a 47 degree angle, directly back. The second round of sinus meds slowed the room around enough to lay down on my side or back and doze off to some boring daytime television. After my second and third naps of the day, I found my inner critic whipping me from behind squealing, "What are you doing wasting your day just watching television and snoozing???? Get up and be productive! You should be cleaning and packing and doing stuff!!!" And so the battle began. Evil Critic on one shoulder jabbing me in the temple with a hot poker, and Sickly Angle-like Being on the standing on my right kneecap weakly shouting back, "You're sick! Be kind to yourself and your body and nap, nap, nap. It is okay." But Evil Critic was relentless with her jeering.

However, sick sometimes beats evil so I did nothing productive. I'm still looking around at all the stuff that needs to get done, sighing with despair, but my body is saying, "Thank you, thank you, thank you!" I guess I could try reasoning with Evil Critic, but sometimes it's just as easy to flick her off my shoulder and into the pile of empty boxes that need to be filled.

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