oozing love hormones

No, that's not eluding to something raunchy. Quite the opposite.

Look at that picture! Boddington can just brighten my day just by being cute while napping. It's noticing these little moments and just being able to sit with them that makes life so full. It also gets the oxytocin flowing. Love, love, love!

Something else that is filling my life and my oxytocin quota: being pregnant. Yes, folks, I am pregnant, with child, knocked up, have a bun in the oven, incubating a child, etc. And it's amazing! I am thankful that it has been relatively uneventful so I am truly enjoying the experience. During the first trimester, I only experienced morning sickness four times for only a minute each. I was also really exhausted the first eleven weeks but that has passed.

It is all so wondrous, being able to see and watch the baby grow and dance on ultrasound. I've seen it's tiny little bladder and even both lobes of it's brain. The best is hearing it's rapid little heartbeat thump, thump, thumping away. I have already fallen in love with this sweet little kidlette who is all safe and sound in my womb. Life is good.

so how's married life?

Now that people are done with the "are you pregnant" question in regard to my three week planned wedding and the "well, when are you getting pregnant" questions are starting to taper, I keep getting the "so how's married life" inquiry.

My response? Just like unmarried life, but with rings.


After responding this way numerous times I am realizing that this is not an adequate answer. Such a response sounds very mundane and unexciting. Let me explain a little deeper. You see, life before marriage was filled with love and joy, magic and laughter. So, yes, married life IS just like unmarried life with rings, but that, my friends, is wonderful!

...and, no, I am not pregnant.

i am surrounded by love

i am surrounded by love
Originally uploaded by misslissa13

This was one of the most thoughtful gifts I have ever received. The rock bowl in the front was given to me for Christmas by a client. She was always drawn to the rock bowl (middle bowl) I have in my office; my earth element.

She put one rock for each of my years she believes I have lived. She further explained that two of the rocks represent my parents because they "must be wonderful people since they did a great job raising you." She added the bag to represent the love that surrounds her (she is the small heart in the center. A dear friend of hers and I are the two larger hearts). I teared up when she gave this to me.

Sweet, right? However, I believe my true gift is knowing her and many of my other clients that impact my life in such positive ways. As a therapist, it is often perceived that the therapist helps the client, which is true. Therapeutic tools and techniques work, however, the therapist-client relationship is the most healing aspect. Therapists are human and as a human I benefit, albeit in a different way, as much as my clients do. I learn from each one of them. Sometimes, it is by mirroring some of my own "in need of improvement" parts (yes, I still bite my nails when I am bored or stressed) but mostly it is getting the opportunity to get to know these individuals. That are amazing people.

I am thankful everyday for the work I get to do and I hope that you, too, dear readers, are surrounded by love.

Please vote for us

Please vote for us at Crate and Barrell's Ultimate Wedding contest. ("Love at first sight 18 years later? Indeed!")

Why? Well, because we're poor, we're in love and I have absolutely no ability to plan a wedding on my own. Plus, it's good karma for you! (Get your friends to vote, too, will you? Bonus karma points for that!) The finalists are strictly by vote.

Thanks, everyone.

Cheers
Melissa
http://www.ultimateweddingcontest.com/entries/39846

give love

MC Yogi - Give Love (Giving4Living Mix) from MC Yogi on Vimeo.

love

We’ve got this gift of love, but love is like a precious plant. You can’t just accept it & leave it in the cupboard or just think it’s going to get on by itself. You’ve got to keep watering it. You’ve got to really look after it & nurture it.

– John Lennon

a little late...

I never did follow up on my "i said yes" post so here it is. Groovy completely surprised me and proposed to me on Christmas. The silver band he presented with a "will you marry me? circle yes or no" note were pure perfection. Very apropos, not only because we share moments of silliness together, but also because we first met during our high school years. (Not that we went to the same school, so there would have been no note passing between us but just the symbolism.) The silver band, which I now wear on my right hand was the perfect placeholder until we went out and found the perfect ring together. It truly was a surprise considering I had all but given up on the idea of marriage, or at least I was trying to convince myself of that.

Now we are planning a simple, yet personal wedding. Thus far a tentative guest list is made, a vague date is set, the wedding favor is possibly decided on, a hiking honeymoon idea is a potential plan and I am finally getting past my wedding planning panic attacks. Luckily, I'm not a bridy-bride. I really want to keep it simple. Honestly, the most important thing is becoming Mrs. Groovy. That will be my name, right? ;)

*insert deep cleansing breath here*

I feel inspired.
I feel renewed.
I feel overjoyed.
I feel light.
I feel love.

I am inspiration.
I am renewal.
I am joy.
I am light.

I am love.

love (i share)

we come in peace on valentine's day

we come in peace
Originally uploaded by misslissa13

Got a DVD version of a classic yoga video that I wanted.

Drove 80 miles to the end of the Island .

Hiked around the trails for 2 and 1/2 hours.

Actually SAW the Montauk Lighthouse and Camp Hero ("The Montauk Project")
(I have only live on the Island for a combined 30 plus years, so I guess it was about time.)

Had sushi at one of my favorite sushi restaurants that looks like a dive but has fantastic food.

Came home and did yoga.

The perfect Valentine's Day.
Thanks Groovy!

an open apology

I am engulfed with introversion as of late. Not introversion in the shyness sense of the word, but more so in the vein of needing lots of home time to recharge. This is not due to depression or "winter funk". On the contrary, I am feeling wonderful and wondrous and I adore brisk cold weather and snow.

So why the apology? The apology is for my friends, near and far. I have been scarce on the social scene. I have had little to no small gatherings or visits. Plus, I have never really been one to pick up the phone.



This homebody behavior feels necessary right now. I am recharging. I need to refocus on the next steps of my life and continue working on my health improvement. I have been unplugging for most of the days lately (hence the lack of serious online time).

On the flip side, I need to start reconnecting with the people I love and adore while continuing to recharge. So how do I do this? Balance. As I am finding balance within myself, I am learning how to apply that same balance externally. To begin, my first step: an open apology to the Universe (and the Web, which are certainly not synonymous). Next step: phone calls, letters, visits.

Some of you may even receive one of these great handmade note cards I received as a thank you gift from the lovely, creative Nina Beana:(These are fantastic and are inspiring me to put pen to paper. Nice, right?)

So, I am sorry, dear friends. Please be patient with me (and honest with any upset you may have towards me) and allow me to reconnect with you. This will take some time since I have a large list of people I want back in my life in one capacity or another. I have been blessed throughout my life to have had the opportunity to meet and connect with so many wonderful people. My hopes along the way in this process, is to rebuild old friendships, strengthen current ones and perhaps make some new ones along the way.

thanks

We do not need to wait for Thanksgiving to acknowledge gratitude. So, today I start my list:

I am grateful for:

having family and friends in my life
falling asleep wit Greg holding my hand every night
being able to give to others even when times are tough
art and creativity
finding hope
experiencing joy
the possibility of having a child
my cyber-friends that share their stories online
having a mother who can handle anything life hands her
having a father who is going to get through difficulty and come out even stronger in the end
having a brother who has always been my hero
having a sister-in-law that enhances his life and our family
having a best friend and her family that has always been my family too
Greg putting up with me, no matter what shenanigans I present :)
being able to learn and grow every day
having a job in these tough economic times
every one that has been in my life, are in my life now and who will be in my life in the future
a childhood where I was always encouraged to be me
being able to recognize gratitude

you, for reading my words, rants, raves and expressions

more to come

exciting and new

Nothing says love like Carol Channing and Ethel Merman!

ring it in

Here we are, folks, in a new year. 2008. Write your checks correctly. I rang in the new year similar to last...with a wicked cold making my nose all snuffily and my body achy. Sat on the couch wrapped in a warm new christmas gift blanket (thanks Paul and Joanne!!!), sweatshirt and scarf lovingly knitted by Greg :). As my Italian grandmother always did, we had money in our hands at the stroke of midnight to welcome prosperity into our lives. This year I additionally held some Emergen-C, a piece of paper with a heart and a polished stone. Wealth, Health, Love and being grounded.

Since I make a habit of setting goals for myself throughout the year, I do not come up with New Year's Resolutions. I prefer instead let go of things from the previous year. I learned this tradition from a peer of mine that studied at Naropa University. Her name is Sonny and she is a Lakota Indian, an amazing woman, a survivor and a beautiful person all around. Since ritual and tradition can be an important component of well being, she shared with the class a tradition that her tribe practices. Keep in mind, I am not versed in Lakota tradition so this is a very abridged version. Basically what we did was write down things from the previous year that we want to let go. This is personal and not shared with anyone. We then burned the paper and the idea is that the things we want to let go of goes up with the smoke and a Lakota spirit (an eagle, I believe) flies down and takes them away. You then bury the ashes in soil and grow a plant or flower in it. Then you can move into the new year letting go of the things that hold you back and something new grows from the intention. Having done this a couple of times, I find it very freeing and a ritual I plan on doing again this week. I have used this also when I was going through some difficult times. My mother had come to Colorado to stay with me for a few days for support. I shared this idea with her and we did the ritual ourselves. We then added writing down what we wish for each other in the coming year. Truly helpful indeed.

Whatever you want to work towards in 2008 or let go of from the past, I wish you all Health, Wealth, Love and a Sense of Groundedness.

Namaste, Shanti and Cheers,

Melissa

thoughts without a thinker

I've been thinking a lot about things lately; more so then usual. I've been thinking a lot about my grandmother...how she lived so long on her own, independent, self sufficient and full of life....how she moved into assistant living and had to be put in the Alzheimer's unit, not because she has Alzheimer's but because she kept leaving the building unassisted in an attempt to walk the un-walkable distance to my parents' house. I've been thinking about what goes on in her mind now that she does not reportedly recognize any of us any more. I think about how, between her moments of fear, she still has moments where her smile beams and her face lights up. I wonder if she has memories from this life or if she is very much in the here and now, and is perhaps feeling Zen-like without even trying. I wonder if my grandfather is watching over her, waiting for her to embrace her again. I wonder if she has moments where she sees angels preparing her to be ready to move on and be free from the physical that is slowly failing her. I wonder, when I helped her sit in my mother's car to take her home and I told her I love her and kissed her soft cheek, if she sensed how much I truly love her.

I've been thinking about how difficult this is for my mother; the strong woman who takes everything on with little support, less help and even less complaining. I wonder what I can do to take some of the pain away from her. I wonder where she gets her strength from. I wonder if she knows how much I admire her and am grateful that she is my mother. I think about how much my grandfather is probably surrounding her with love and support since he is definitely her guardian angel.

I wonder if I can get my shit together or at least temporarily pack it aside in order to be more present in what is going on with both of them. I think about doing all that I can to not have any regrets like the one I have from when my "2nd mother" passed away. It is not so much a regret, as it was a lost opportunity.

I have been thinking about love and family. I have been thinking about life and the future. I have been remembering joyful memories. I have been thinking about marriage and children. I have been pondering the differences and similarities between giving up and letting go. And I have come to the conclusion that I am enough, no matter what I am and where I am at.

adventures in raw food

adventures in raw food
Originally uploaded by misslissa13

This here adventure into raw foods diet territory can be summed up in the statement: HOLY FREAKIN' YUM! This is a raw butternut squash rice, with cranberry, onion, coriander, cumin, onion and sea salt. I tasted it and thought the avocado and banana were wonderful compliments. This was followed by a piece of Carob Crunch Torte with Raspberry Sauce.

Today, we also received a Christmas card and pictures of two of the most beautiful little girls in the world, my goddaughter and her sister. Two kids that can be summed up in the statement: HOLY FREAKIN' CUTE!!!!

Now I am going to go cuddle up with Greg. HOLY FREAKIN' HAPPINESS!

Life is good, folks, life is good! Hope you all had moments of joy in your day, too.

groovy tomato

groovy tomato
Originally uploaded by misslissa13

Greg is working a long shift at work today. As I spend my day boxing up some of our things, I have lots of time to think. Packing up books and mementos belonging to Greg, I look at the wide assortment of books, from punk to Buddhism to beer to DIY. A good reminder that he is intelligent and curious and can hold his own in conversation and debate. Placing some back issues of UTV in a box, I take a short break and skim through a number of his columns. I think back to having met him so many years ago and to the coincidence of him moving to Denver while I am living there, of reuniting our friendship and realizing that I found love, of our week-long move cross country, and of setting up our first apartment. I remember our first kiss near my car on the street next to his apartment on Sherman Street. I think of introducing him to yoga and of days spent biking on trails together. I recall the mini-vacations we took to the White Mountains and the Berkshires to go hiking.

This has been a great day, not just for the productivity in the packing process, but in the moments thinking about my love. The longer I am with him, the more wonderful I realize he is. I do not know what our future holds, I just want to spend today enjoying the fact that I am with him - this amazing man who supports me in being my best.