ninja for hire

I sit here with my glasses smudged and bleary-eyed, sipping my morning java. Working my tail off trying to tie up loose ends at the job but knowing there is only so much I can do. After all, I'm only human (despite having a tail to work off). Each morning of the past two weeks my mind immediately starts the preemptive reviews of tasks I will face at work that day. It is really starting to get annoying. The stress of impending deadlines with no flexibility is practically giving me night sweats (eh, not really). Knowing the tasks left, I requested some extra days for me to be diligent with my I dotting and T crossing, but was denied. So, I've broken cardinal union rules and worked extra unpaid hours and even did some work at home. Luckily, this will be over soon as Saturday is my last day.

Saturday will come and go and I will finally be able to sleep easy. "What? How can you sleep easy??? You are going to be under-employed, Dr. Schnookleheimer!" This is how: I put on my accounting green visor and crunched some numbers. I figured out how many clients I would have to see at my private practice to cover office rent, pay for supervision/training and make the same salary a week as my full time gig and realized it is very doable: 8 clients. I recalculated a number of times because I couldn't believe it. Eight. Dang! I can do it in one full day. What??? Yes, you saw that right: one full day (or two half days).

Now let's compare:

F/T job:
1- 35 hour/5 days per week
2- huge commute (gas $$$)
3- earning money for a large agency
4- 80+ person caseload that I have no control over
5- supervisor, program director, compliance manager, utilization review committee, assistant agency director and CEO to answer to
6- minimal room for advancement

Private practice:
1- 12 hour (including supervision/training)/1 or 2 days per week
2- almost half the commute
3- earning money for myself
4- caseload I control
5- I'm my own boss
6- advancement by growing my business as I want

I'm no accountant nor am I a career coach, but I'm thinking this change is a good thing, no? 

And I will have time for my true full time gig: NINJA!!!!!

my life is not a timeline

I wasn't going to write this morning but while downing my second cup of coffee something is compelling me to get some of my thoughts out in writing. So here it goes:

The past few months I have been working six-day work weeks. Five days at a full time gig and one day at a private office. The full time place is where I've been for three years. It was always a distance to travel to but once I moved into the house my commute became much too long. Gas prices and all the extra time in the car became too much, so I started looking for another place to hang my hat for eight hours a day. A few resume submissions later, I landed a three-day position working with the geriatric population. Though it was the same commute, it was only three days and I would be traveling towards the lovely East End of Long Island. It is a beautiful commute passing farm stands, vineyards and quaint towns. I figured, what the heck. I would gain experience working with the only population I hadn't focused on so I said yes.

I had submitted my required four weeks notice at my full time job and was thrilled about this new adventure in my career. The first two weeks I had jury duty on top of the full time gig and my private clients.My exhaustion has been evident to everyone around me. Forgetfulness, stress and insomnia have taken over my days. Then, last week a bomb dropped. The job offer had been rescinded by the higher up boss. I was so taken aback I just responded with an "okay, well thank you anyway" and hung up the phone.

My head spinning, I couldn't even think. Later that day, my iced tea cap reminded me "the sun will come out tomorrow"

and I got this photo

which promptly reminded me that there are more important things in my life. Everything will be okay.

I have always believed that I land the jobs I am supposed to have. It took me a few days to find the lesson in this rescinded offer and the loss of ground but last night it hit me. I have learned to let go of the fear. I am surrendering to the unknown and it is okay. There are some options and, ultimately, none of them are wrong. They are just the next choice I make and if that one does not work out, there will be another choice to make later.

The lesson:
My life is not a timeline, it is a river with many twists and turn. There is even and eddy or two every now and then. Sometimes you have to flow with water and see where it takes you, and other times you have to swim like the dickens to get what you want. It is always vital to have a picnic on the bank on a regular basis (ah, self care). Currently, I need to surrender and flow with the water. It just feels right.

Now where are my inner tube and water wings? 

see you at cheap johns!

Today, the first day at my new (second) job, triggers those familiar giddy feelings I had on the first day of school. New adventures, new teachers, new classmates and the excitement of going to Cheap Johns for brand spankin' new school supplies. The line stretched the length of the store but it was inevitably filled with fellow classmates to share first day stories with. Ah, heaven! Off to catch the school bus!

new adventure

Tomorrow I venture into the world of private practice and I am thrilled. This does require me to change my schedule at my full time gig, but it is all good. Joining a group private practice is going to be a good way of learning how it's done, plus I will be engaging in training of another therapeutic modality. I hold no expectations of this endeavor, just looking forward to the experience. You know when something just feels right? This is one of those things.

I wonder why psychiatrists are called "shrinks" and therapists aren't?

i am surrounded by love

i am surrounded by love
Originally uploaded by misslissa13

This was one of the most thoughtful gifts I have ever received. The rock bowl in the front was given to me for Christmas by a client. She was always drawn to the rock bowl (middle bowl) I have in my office; my earth element.

She put one rock for each of my years she believes I have lived. She further explained that two of the rocks represent my parents because they "must be wonderful people since they did a great job raising you." She added the bag to represent the love that surrounds her (she is the small heart in the center. A dear friend of hers and I are the two larger hearts). I teared up when she gave this to me.

Sweet, right? However, I believe my true gift is knowing her and many of my other clients that impact my life in such positive ways. As a therapist, it is often perceived that the therapist helps the client, which is true. Therapeutic tools and techniques work, however, the therapist-client relationship is the most healing aspect. Therapists are human and as a human I benefit, albeit in a different way, as much as my clients do. I learn from each one of them. Sometimes, it is by mirroring some of my own "in need of improvement" parts (yes, I still bite my nails when I am bored or stressed) but mostly it is getting the opportunity to get to know these individuals. That are amazing people.

I am thankful everyday for the work I get to do and I hope that you, too, dear readers, are surrounded by love.

3000 Is the magic number

Oh yes it is. It's the magic number! I made it to my three-thousand supervised hours of as a counselor in the State of New York. That means I have officially completed my last requirement for my license as a mental health counselor (LMHC). Now, to start working on opening my own private practice...eventually.

It felt like it was going to take forever... but it didn't. Woo hoo. Now who needs some therapy????

calm begets calm

Life does not need to be as complex and stressful as people, organizations and government makes it, but often it is. Since chaos tends to beget chaos, carrying a sense of calm can defuse the some of chaos that may surround us and make daily living full of ease. The more people take this approach, the more the chaos in the world will dissipate.

In my life, chaos mostly surrounds me at work. Sometimes it is a single client that is immersed and emitting erratic energy and behaviors, sometimes it is the inherent manic energy of the mental health system and sometimes it is an internal struggle that is riling up the waters of the soul. There are times when all of these and more happen concurrently.

How do I deal with this? For me, it's a combination of rational thoughts, keeping myself grounded, surrounding myself with supportive, loving people, setting solid boundaries between work and life, and having a daily yoga practice. There are times when some of these get off-kilter. I can feel this immediately and know I need to consciously get them back in check.

I often wonder if being submerged in chaos will eventually take it's toll on me. This makes me ponder how to make work itself more calm and also makes me think about future career goals. One thing I am sure of is having a private practice in a model that works for me; one which is calming for my clients and myself.

I am excited about what the future holds on so many levels.. My hope is to continue facing it all with as much calm as I can embody. Om shanti.

liar, liar pants on fire

Yesterday, I had the elderly father of a client yell at me in the waiting room that I am a liar*. Deep yogic breath kept me calm. This was over his confusion about the son's appointment time. They had the incorrect day. I always give clients a written appointment card and the father had confirmed the appointment with me the week before. I even had him repeat the appointment back to me to make sure he got it right. Regardless, I apologized for any miscommunication and asked if he would like to reschedule. He angrily replied that "all of you social workers are the same!" Ha! The knowledge that I am an MHC and not a SW gave me an internal chuckle, which also helped me stay level and calm.

I am sure my supervisor will be getting a phone call soon. Ah well, it is all part of the job and I can keep good humor about it. At least there is rarely a dull moment.


*People who know me, know that honesty is a quality of mine.

me in my office

me in my office
Originally uploaded by misslissa13

So here I am at work. No clients at the time, but lots and lots of paperwork. I figure I have about seven months to finish up my 3,000 supervised hours and then I will have my full license. This seems so far away yet so close. Seven months seems to be a good time frame for planning a private practice. Not only will a private practice provide additional income, but it will also give me the opportunity to practice in the mental health field in a capacity that would feed my soul while helping others.

Working in an outpatient clinic, like I do now, is a non-stop onslaught of busyness. There is a never ending source of new clients that need services. Unfortunately, many clinics and programs have closed due to cutbacks making the remaining ones are inundated on a daily basis. The population appears to be getting sicker and sicker as well. I do not fully understand how the whole mental health system works, but I wonder if it is designed as efficiently as possible. My guess would be no, it is not. Perhaps it worked years ago, but the design may not have evolved along with the needs of clients. Sometimes I wish I studied sociology to get a broader view of the needs of today's society in order to serve the population better as a whole. We as therapists may not be able to change the system in it's entirety, but we can choose to respond to it differently. Perhaps approaching the chaos with our own calm with play at least a small role in stabilizing the system.

In starting a private practice in the model that I am planning, it will be a good balance to the busyness of clinic work. I cannot wait until "my office" will truly mean MY office. Until that time, I will continue using prana in facing down the clinic chaos.

Happy mental health to you!

yay

I passed my professional license exam today.

Finally I can exhale.
One more step to complete
before I get my full license.
Just need to finish my 3000 hours
of supervised work
in NY since none of my hours
from Colorado and Rhode Island count.

c'est la vie

horoscope and career in conflict

Here's my horoscope from yahoo today:

Be careful about how you approach any kind of tense situation today, unless you want to get involved in arguments! Your urge to step in and help someone is admirable, but unwise. It is best to let other people handle their dramas, even if you are somewhat involved. Unless you started the fight, you can't get involved in ending it. Surrounding yourself with peace and quiet is a much healthier and pleasant goal for this day. So if the fur starts flying, head for greener pastures.

Wow, as a mental health therapist, this kind of gets in the way of doing my job. Shoulda taken a personal day. sigh.

meet me in snohomish

How great is the town name Snohomish? It is in Washington. I think I will have to visit even if it is to only say, "Hey, you know where I've been? Snohomish! No really, Snohomish!" Of course, I'd have to begin the trip from Speonk. How many people can say they've gone from Speonk to Snohomish and back? I may be a trailblazer.

Anyway, enough with this silliness. How about some witty repartee? Anyone? Anyone?

Oh yeah, still not reconnected. This is another quick blog from work, so forgive the brevity. Loving the job, though the building of my client caseload has been slow going. I've been assured by the other therapists and my clinical supervisor that this will change and I will soon have little time to breathe. So, in the meantime, I have been preparing for the therapy group that will commence shortly. The plan is for it to be a part educational/part processing group with topics on health and wellness, and their effects on mental health. Sound good? It should be enjoyable.

Well, I need to finish up and prepare for my commute home. Incidentally, I have rediscovered some radio programs on Radio710 AM that I used to love out here in NY. Makes the commute quite enjoyable, though I am always open to some suggestions for books on CD. Anyone?

Cheers,
Melissa

special stuff, anyone? anyone?

Last week, I began my new job at a mental health outpatient clinic which (rockingly) includes having my very own office, the construction of which was completed the week prior to starting. To create an environment much more conducive to therapy I started filling it with a few things to make it warmer, more comfortable and, well, therapeutic. The basic canvas has four bare, slightly off white walls, industrial grey carpeting (with an unfortunate seam down the middle) and some stock office furniture.

I added a couple of chocolate brown pillows to the officey-maroon chairs, put a few natural elements in baskets and bowls, and put a blue ceramic fish (who needs a name) on my desk to keep me company between clients. A cheap CD player from Target allows me to play some soft music in the background for calming purposes (and also to try and aid with confidentiality since the walls are thin and I have not received a white noise machine). Or it will allow me to add ambiance, once I get a better supply of relaxing, classical or instrumental music for such purposes.

Then I got to thinking and decided I would love to include some art, little items and (non-people) photos from people I know (in life and in cyberland). I am not usually one to ask for things (even when I really, really, really need something.... I can be a very stubborn Aries) but this time it feels right to ask and see what happens.

So here's my request: I would love to incorporate special little things from you all to bring some positive energy to my office, my clients and even me (Heck, I need to stay grounded in order to help clients feel the same). It would really mean a lot to me and make my shoebox of an office (see below) more of a sacred, therapeutic place. Mind you, I am not looking for things of monetary value. I wish for things like 4x6 photo prints, art work/doodles, tactile items, squishy things for clients to...well...squish, natural objects to add to the bowls, hand written words of wisdom I can frame, creative stuff and, well, if you were in a mental health therapist's office what would you like to see, hear, smell, or touch?

Please do not feel obligated, but if something in your heart makes you want to be a part of my "therapy container" and help me assist those needing counseling find their answers in order to heal, it would mean so much to me. Like I said, I do not usually ask for things, but for some reason this just feels right. If you are interested, contact me (comment, phone call, email, flickr mail, smoke signals, telepathy, etc).

Of course, positive thoughts to help me "hold the space" for my clients are equally appreciated.

Much thanks,

Melissa

Yeah, it isn't pretty....yet.

here i go.....

My first day of work, like my first day of school
filled with excitement
a little bit of anxiousness
and a whole lot of grinny-griness on my face!
Makes me want to go to Cheap John's* to get my supplies tonight (Yeah, which of you former or long-time LIers remember Cheap John's? eh?)

It is my short day, Tuesdays. Only four hours, but that is only counteracted by a 9 to 9 shift later in the week. Egads! But that was better than having to work Saturdays.

The time has come for me to go get ready and then head out. Almost wish I was waiting for the "boo-bus"..... My goodness, I am regressing today. Cheap John's?!? Boo-bus!!!? (what I called the school bus when my big brother was going to school) Quick, someone hit fast-forward before I get behind the wheel of my car. I would not want to be "pre-driver's license" on LI highways! Then again, I might actual drive better than some of the drivers out there anyway.

Wish me luck!

*for non-LIers. Cheap John's was THE place to get your school supplies. Those were the days before schools sent home the nine volume list of supplies to get before the school year begins. Everyone would go after the first day of school. You would see all your friends and classmates scooping up their Bloodhound Gang lunch box (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Bloodhound_Gang_%28TV_series%29) and Hot Wheels folders. It rocked!

hi-ho, hi-ho....

Tuesday. Yes, Tuesday is the day I begin my new job. Now it feels real that I have my professional permit. With the undue amount of time it took for the entire application/approval process, seeing my name on the States database was more of a "finally!" than a "jump up and click my heels" reaction. Having my start date has brought the excitement back into my spine (clicking heels).

So now I am preparing to return (permanently) to the work force. Getting some new garb, deciding on yoga classes that fit my schedule, pondering the most economical way to commute and mentally preparing to provide therapy again.

I love my work and have a true passion for it. To be able to hold the space for someone dealing with difficulties, to help them in finding the answers that are within themselves, to use my instincts to uncover hidden possibilities and ideas, and to provide people with tools they can use in coping with life provides me with fulfillment on a deep level. No, therapy is not all atruistic. I need to work at a job that is not just for a paycheck in order to feel statisfied in life and, yes, I do get a lot out of helping others. Therapy should be positively symbiotic with healthy boundaries.

Is it difficult at times? Absolutely. Since most people choose therapy to deal with difficult things a therapist is mostly surrounded by negative energy (though there is the occasional "I just need a place to sort out all the wonderful things I am doing in my life" clients). As a therpist, you need to be able to contain that without taking it home with you. Individual and group supervision helps with this, but more important: self-care and staying grounded. Yoga, laughter, friends, quiet time, plenty of rest, healthy boundaries, being in nature, etc. is how I try to accomplish this. People can not help others if they are not taking care of themselves first. (Shrink, shrink thyself!)

I washed and waxed my Mad Wheels (a.k.a. my little Hyundai) yesterday to look a little more professional when I roll in to the lot on Tuesday. (Hey, would you get therapy from someone with a dull car? I think not!) Today I am going shopping for some more work appropriate attire. It is important to look put-together in order to feel put-together, despite the fact that shopping is not my favorite activity by any means. Sometimes it just has to be done.

So, who needs their head shrunk by a well dressed, clean car-ed, yoga-loving therapist? Hmmm, maybe I need to work on my marketing skills.......

joyous day!

It is official:

I am a permit holder in Mental Health Counseling in the State of NY! (after only 5 months of bureaucratic processes)

slowly i turn, step by step...

I am one step closer to getting my professional permit!!! The State has deemed my $60,000-in-student-loans graduate education appropriate for practice in the State of NY. Now my file gets sent back to the main Mental Health Licensing Board to check that all the I's are crossed the the T's are umlaut-ed....and then probably on to the official add-names-to-the-online-database-guy. Then I will be golden, just like Ponyboy.

it pays, folks, it pays

Yes, patience does pay. I was offered the job that I was truly hoping to get. Somehow the Universe always provides. It is amazing how this all came to fruition.

I had been applying and interviewing for social work positions because that is all that I found advertised. Nothing against the field of social work, it is just that my major was counseling psychology, not social work. One of my goals is to work towards my license as a Mental Health Counselor (LMHC) but I had not been actively thinking about it since moving. Last Wednesday when I was trying to go to sleep my thoughts started racing and I could not stop thinking about what I have to do to get my license. After midnight I leaped out of bed, turned on the computer and looked up the next license exam dates. Then I swigged some NyQuil (I was sick too) and went to bed. Early the next morning before going to work at the temp job, I did a job search, found one (1!!!) job and emailed over my resume. That day the Program Manager had left a message in reference to my resume. I called him back the next morning and set up an interview that afternoon. I left the interview not quite sure how well it went since the interviewer was difficult to read. Monday I had to go in to get the fingerprinting paperwork filled out and submit other required paperwork, and my final letter of recommendation was faxed over on Tuesday. Then I waited.....and waited....and took some deeps breathes....and got support from Greg......and went to Krap-Mart to return some lamp shades.......and I got a call with the job offer!!!

The Universe provides what we need.....we just need to be patient....and return lamp shades.

toxic jobs and career paths

The American Psychological Association states in part of it's code of ethics (1.14) that psychologists have the duty to avoid harm. In other words, the therapist must dutifully decide on therapeutic interventions that will not knowingly cause harm. With that said, I have seen that some organizations fail to follow this in some cases: Putting the need to keep the beds full/keep the census up ahead of what is clinically appropriate for the client. Utilization, a term that us mere therapists hear way too often, can become detrimental to some clients. I have heard the words "I don't care what's clinically appropriate, we need these beds full" literally exit the mouth of a higher up. The same person became defensive when I asked how can the organization put a client into an inappropriate program that can cause harm, more trauma and attach an undue stigma to the client?

Of course, I need to have a job for my own financial survival, but how can I continue to work in an environment that is toxic to those being served? How do I change the system for the better? During my last sleepless night mulling things over, a long chain of thought associations led me to asking "what do you want to do?" over and over. Spontaneously a moment of clarity arose with the answer, "I want to help people heal."

So that is it, I want to help people heal, I want to be a medium of healing, I want to be a healer. This starts by holding the space for others and helping them find healing to their mental health needs. Next: starting (and completing) my degree in therapeutic massage. Followed by getting a degree in nutrition/becoming a Registered Dietitian. Then: Getting my PhD and continuing my studies so I can better help others find healing. Perhaps: studying Eastern healing methods. My goal for many years has been to open a healing center that has independent practitioners working in conjunction to help people find holistic health and healing. Mind, body and spirit efficiently working together, creating well being. Psychology, massage therapy, acupuncture, nutrion, martial arts, movement therapy and more available to each client as needed. I envision the center having appropriate lecture space and a reference library to educate.

This is what I am working towards, a job, a career and a life that improves the world even in a small way. A working environment that promotes healing for clients and practitioners. One that is not toxic. This will feed my soul while helping others.