i am amazed

enter our world
Originally uploaded by misslissa13

I am amazed that every single day I can look at you and feel more in love than I did yesterday.

I am amazed that it took seventeen years of knowing you and not once did I predict that we would be together and in love.

I am amazed how even little things like walking to the bank, hearing you say good morning or holding my hand as we drift off to sleep at night makes me feel so loved.

I am amazed that your laughter is my most prized "possession" and your smile is my security.

I am amazed that we can spend days on end together and still not feel smothered.

I am amazed at our past and the potential of our future.

I am amazed at being here now.

I am amazed at the quantity of our laughter and the quality of our tears.

Not a day passes that I do not feel deep gratitude for having you in my life.

merry twenty-fifth day of the twelfth month of the two thousand seventh year

May your bellies be full but your hearts be fuller!

xoxoxo
Cheers!

Melissa

jesus built my hotrod

jesus built my hotrod
Originally uploaded by misslissa13

This display in the window of an auto parts store in Patchogue, NY reminded me that Jesus built my hotrod.

because i keep forgetting to call

Bernadette,

Yes, to the Eve of Christmas. Need me to bring anything?

Cheers,

Me

raw food....it's what's for dinner!

pepper
Originally uploaded by misslissa13

It's been three and a half weeks of eating mostly raw and I am still loving it! I have lost six pounds without thinking about it, without being hungry and while exploring meals I would never have dreamed of trying before. I am feeling fabulous and plan on continue eating mostly raw, adding the occasional cooked meal. I have never eaten this quantity of veggies and fruits daily in my life; an average of seven servings. And that is actually mostly vegetables, with a couple of fruits. I do not have to worry about having to scrub baked on, caked on foods off of the dishes. (a bonus when you have no dishwasher!) I have not had any cravings, even with a plate of fresh baked Christmas cookies sitting in front of my face....literally. (Resisting the sweets is driving some of my coworkers nuts.)


The other day, I made the raw burritos for my parents and they loved them, along with the raw apple pie I brought to top off the meal (pictured left).
As an added bonus, I did not even feel guilty when Greg suggested and we subsequently had dessert (raw fruit cobbler) for dinner.

Everything I am reading says that you do not have to go fully raw to gain benefits. Why not try one raw meal a week? Or once a day? Do some exploring for yourself and see what you come up with......I dare you.....I double dog dare you!

:)

dotted line is met please cut with scissors

dotted line is met
Originally uploaded by misslissa13

It's these little things that make me chuckle.

ramble on

I'm never satisfied.....and I don't intend to be. I'm not talking about not finding contentment in what is.........for truly I do. I am just not satisfied with settling for things....be it career, education, plans, goals, relationships..... I am not satisfied with stagnation. Stagnation, which is not the same as stillness....there is constant movement in stillness...the wind blowing, blood swimming, air filling lungs..... I don't want staleness or "stuckness". I want to continue learning, continue growing, continue getting more acquainted with my self and with the Self. Yes, I want to ride the wave of growth and claw through the overgrowth. This is part of the whole.

to cut or grow....

That is the question. Don't know what I want to do with "The Do".

Grow it:
Or keep it snipped for a bit:
Gosh, if only I had all the answers.

heathen of the office

Arg! I cannot take much more mindless, repetitive and pointless work. It isn't even the type of mindless work that you can be fully mindful and transform the nothingness into contemplative moments. On top of that, it amazes me how most of my coworkers behave like this is rocket surgery or brain science....or that, GASP! Momma's coming! Keep busy! Or Momma's somewhere existing in the relative area...Keep busy! I have never witnessed more paranoid gaggle of workers in my life...and I have work in many different work environments. I am amazed that some of them were even annoyed that the pot luck holiday celebration of the office might interfere with their hours of work time. Whew! What would happen if they took a FULL 30 minutes to actually break away from the very important work of making sure corporate chain retail store floors might not get cleaned this week! DOUBLE GASP! They all got plates of food to eat at their desks while continuing to work.

Being observant individuals, we are realizing just how strange and incestuous this company is....don't even get me started on the convoluted familial relationships that fill half the employee pool there. Of course, boss' daughter awkwardly referring to Daddy as "Corporate" and multiple people having the same last names are just two such examples....and everyone puts on a show that they are all just coworkers. Twilight Zone shit, I tell you! It's no wonder they have no problem with Greg and I both working there.

On a work related side note, I have gone on a couple of interviews and things look promising. I cannot wait to once again work a job that isn't ONLY for a paycheck. I don't want to look back ten, twenty, thirty years from now to say, "I'm glad I wasted forty hours each week of my life doing a job that didn't feed my soul, help others or had some other benefit to the world and my life!" Yeah, I'm selfish like that.......psshhht....wanting a job that has meaning! I'm such a heathen....

......oh yeah, I freaked some people out the other day. A coworker yelped that her computer hates her.....I told her, "Computer? That's nothing.....god hates me." Four people gasped that I could say such a thing. What? God doesn't have a sense of humor????? Luckily, I do....AND I don't believe in hell. Bwaa ha ha haaaaaa!!!!

ignorance aplenty

On rare occasions, trying to find compassion can be difficult. Stepping back to realize that people do and say things partly because they are a product of the environment and society that they were raised can only go so far when they do not take accountability of their own actions and statements. I try to have compassion for everyone but, being human, I sometimes struggle. For example, yesterday at work at my temp job, I heard one of the less-than-classy workers discussing with some other employees what they were going to order for lunch. Now, between her hacking smoker's cough and the tail end of bronchitis, I thought I heard her say something about ordering "Chink" food. Now, I am not quick at jumping to conclusions and I do have some hearing loss, so the first time I wrote it off as an "I must be hearing things" moment. But, no, I was not. I heard her use this same racial slur two more times over the next few minutes.

For those of you who do not know me, I have preface this with: I am not easily offended. I have a twisted sense of humor. I also have no problem if a friend calls me a Pollock when I do something dopey (or any name from my varied heritage) because I take into consideration the intent of the comments. Now when people are using terms ignorantly or hatefully, that has a whole different effect on me. Add on to this the fact that I have a Filipina sister-in-law who I love and respect and my brother was injured because of an intolerant asshole. Top this with being raised as a woman who does not take bullshit from people.....

Needless to say, I was getting livid hearing her use this term. Deep breathing helped keep me from going off on her and subsequently being asked to leave my temp job prematurely. Better to be responsive than reactive in a professional setting. Once centered, I prepared myself to intervene (calmly and maturely) if she used the term again. She was finally calling it Chinese food at this point.

As I continued on with my mindless busy work, I thought about what might have made her feel that it is okay to talk like this around an office. I thought about why she might not have thought or cared that she was offending anyone. I came up empty.

Later in the day, there was talk about pregnancies and babies (another co-worker took the day off because one of her daughters was having her first baby) this same illiberal woman told another coworker how she was glad she smoked during her pregnancy so that her daughter was born small and her labor was easier. (!!!!!!!)

I'm speechless.

Servitude

One of the reasons I have loved Fishbone since the 80s is that they kick ass musically and lyrically:

Who, Who do you serve?
For whose empire and for whose whims?
Is your honor judged by men?
Will you lie?
Will you lie if they say it's their will?
Will you die or continue to kill?
Until the generals all have their fill

Craven Cowards
Armchair Warriors
You will serve Them well

What, what will you write?
For whose pleasure, for whose delight?
Will your readers see your light?
Will you say...That the singer can't blow you away?
That we hate people just 'cause they're gay
Women and children all stay away

To whom, whom do you pray?
Do dollars wash your sins away?
Does God love cold hard cash?
Do you say...If we all just continue to pay
All our ailments will go away
And our souls will be saved

God's not with you
"Holy Roller"
Your heart dwells in Hell

Why, Why do you run?
Our awareness has spoiled your fun
Our eyes see you too clear
Will you hide
From the joy of expressing our pride
For the leaders and people who've died
While combating your genocide

Chains are breaking
Minds are waking
Soon we'll serve no more...

Art Every Day Month

It took me a while, but I feel better that I was able to post something representing each day of Art Every Day Month V. Moving during it made if terribly difficult to create art, and then temporarily misplacing the battery charger for my camera did not help either. By no means was I able to put my whole heart and soul into AEDM this year, but it has sparked my interest in art and helped rekindle the "artistic me" lost over the years. I was originally an art major back in the day. Art is back in my life and for that I am grateful. I am ready to dive back fully into the pool.

thoughts without a thinker

I've been thinking a lot about things lately; more so then usual. I've been thinking a lot about my grandmother...how she lived so long on her own, independent, self sufficient and full of life....how she moved into assistant living and had to be put in the Alzheimer's unit, not because she has Alzheimer's but because she kept leaving the building unassisted in an attempt to walk the un-walkable distance to my parents' house. I've been thinking about what goes on in her mind now that she does not reportedly recognize any of us any more. I think about how, between her moments of fear, she still has moments where her smile beams and her face lights up. I wonder if she has memories from this life or if she is very much in the here and now, and is perhaps feeling Zen-like without even trying. I wonder if my grandfather is watching over her, waiting for her to embrace her again. I wonder if she has moments where she sees angels preparing her to be ready to move on and be free from the physical that is slowly failing her. I wonder, when I helped her sit in my mother's car to take her home and I told her I love her and kissed her soft cheek, if she sensed how much I truly love her.

I've been thinking about how difficult this is for my mother; the strong woman who takes everything on with little support, less help and even less complaining. I wonder what I can do to take some of the pain away from her. I wonder where she gets her strength from. I wonder if she knows how much I admire her and am grateful that she is my mother. I think about how much my grandfather is probably surrounding her with love and support since he is definitely her guardian angel.

I wonder if I can get my shit together or at least temporarily pack it aside in order to be more present in what is going on with both of them. I think about doing all that I can to not have any regrets like the one I have from when my "2nd mother" passed away. It is not so much a regret, as it was a lost opportunity.

I have been thinking about love and family. I have been thinking about life and the future. I have been remembering joyful memories. I have been thinking about marriage and children. I have been pondering the differences and similarities between giving up and letting go. And I have come to the conclusion that I am enough, no matter what I am and where I am at.

something to ponder

I just looked up the cost of the war and here's what I roughly figure:

If the government took all that money that was spent on the war in Iraq alone (this time around) and split it equally among every legal citizen of the United States, we would all have over $1500 in our pockets. Not much for the "haves" but it sure would help a lot of people out. Plus, doesn't that seem much nicer than war? Ah, but what do I know....I'm only a member of the working poor and not a politico racking in a nice salary.

card carrying member

card carrying member
Originally uploaded by misslissa13

But alas, I am not. I still do not know what that pamphlet contains, what secrets it holds......what additional items they wanted kids to beg their parents to buy. Somehow, the late 70's seem so meaningless to me now.

my question

Am

I

enough?

This question has been resonating in me for some time now. Am I enough? I understand where the seeds of it were sown, but it is only partially still rooted there. The roots have spread to many different soil pots and gardens, gaining nutrients and water from each. Am I enough? It is a question between me in relationship with others. Am I enough? It is a question for myself. It is a question that juxtaposes me within my career and other professionals. It is a question I ask of myself within the Universe. Most importantly it is a question I ask of myself in relationship with myself.

Am I enough?

adventures in raw food

adventures in raw food
Originally uploaded by misslissa13

This here adventure into raw foods diet territory can be summed up in the statement: HOLY FREAKIN' YUM! This is a raw butternut squash rice, with cranberry, onion, coriander, cumin, onion and sea salt. I tasted it and thought the avocado and banana were wonderful compliments. This was followed by a piece of Carob Crunch Torte with Raspberry Sauce.

Today, we also received a Christmas card and pictures of two of the most beautiful little girls in the world, my goddaughter and her sister. Two kids that can be summed up in the statement: HOLY FREAKIN' CUTE!!!!

Now I am going to go cuddle up with Greg. HOLY FREAKIN' HAPPINESS!

Life is good, folks, life is good! Hope you all had moments of joy in your day, too.

ho ho ho

Yeah, that's right! I said it! Ho Ho Ho! You offended???? Get over it. I think I will hug any Santa I see that does not cave to political correctness.

i wonder...

I wonder how much less Salvation Army holiday season bell ringers take in now that no one seems to carry cash anymore. Perhaps if they set up next to those CoinStar change machines donations would increase.......or will people just start rolling their own change?

Do not forget to give a little extra for those that have less. Charity, in whatever form, not only helps others but makes you feel all warm and fuzzy inside. Win-Win.

everything old is new again

Being back on the Island is proving to be quite an experience. I am not sure how to take it yet. When I was driving the moving truck from East Providence, the ride was interesting. As I drove up the five exits of 195, I looked at the Providence skyline for the last time and felt a pang of sadness to be leaving so soon. The experience somehow feels incomplete. Noticing the sign at the 95 split pointing the way to New York, I felt a small sense of hope and happiness. The bulk of the drive was uneventful. The truck's dashboard lights were not illuminating and Greg was having trouble driving his car as "slow" as I was traveling until I said it was fine for him to drive ahead. I listened to music and sang along to the songs I knew (even to some that I did not). All was well until I got half way through Nassau County. Tears welled up a bit and I felt a tinge of sadness that I could not explain. Crossing over the Suffolk County line, full fledged sobbing commenced.

After having a couple of days to settle in, I have noticed how familiar and yet foreign everything on the Island seems. It has been over five years since I have resided here. I forgot some of the routes to different places. Stores have gone out of business and new strip malls have been built. People still drive aggressively. Life is busy. I need to take some moments to really think about what it means to me to be back here and decide what happens next. What will transpire, I am not sure. I am filled with curiosity.

tag! i'm it!

So, I have officially been tagged for the first time in Dr. Schnookleheimer history. This came from Ann Michele and her blog Operation Simplify (I dig her blog name).

She created and titled this tag guest relations informational request:

After being on MySpace and Friendster for way too long, it is nice to get tagged for something geared towards those of us who have been out of school and out of touch for a while.

Rules, regulations and size requirements:
(1) Name the top 5 reasons that if you ran into someone from high school they would totally recognize you.
(2) Name the top 5 reasons if you ran into someone from high school they would totally NOT recognize you.
(3) Name the top 5 reasons why you would NOT want them to recognize you.
(4) Name the top 5 people you would not mind randomly running into from high school someday, and of course why.
(5) Your favorite memory of that person.

Okay, here it goes:
(1) Top 5 reasons they would totally recognize you.
1-I still have my curly, curly hair
2-I still hang with the same best friend, Bernadette, since Junior High
3-I am still a little bit of a freak and have my weird sense of humor
4-I still have a fuck off attitude ("Cause we're all livin' in a fucked, up, world")
(yeah, that would still be some of the same musical interests)
5-I have shacked up with someone I have known since high school

(2) Top 5 reasons they would totally NOT recognize you.
1-My curly, curly hair is much, much shorter than it ever was in high school
2-My hair is a normal color and style (no more purple hair and punk style)
3-I do not own combat boots anymore and rarely wear my 16 hole Dr Martins
4-Oh, yes, I admit it, I've put on weight
5-I have become a responsible adult.....w/a fuck off attitude ;)

(3) Name the top 5 reasons why you would NOT want them to recognize you.
1-Because I like to mess with people. I'd act all freaked out that they didn't recognize me and leave them wondering just who the heck I am.
2-Because I am incognito and would not want them to blow my cover.
3-Because I can find out the dirt on what they thought of that freak Melissa they knew from high school
4-Because "they" will find me and take me back to the Mother Ship
5- Actually, I would hope they all would recognize me....well, except that one guy.


(4) Name the top 5 people you would not mind randomly running into from high school someday, and of course why.
1-Heather L. I have always wondered what she has been up to and how she is doing in life.
2-Ryan A. Because he was my HS sweetheart and we broke up on good terms. I would like to know if he is doing well.
3-Brian L. Because he was one of my guy friends who I never should have lost touch with. I did find out through another friend, that he and his wife are living not too far from where I just moved. I may have to hunt them down.
4-Trish B. Because she was my elementary school best friend.
5- Malachy Well, I'm actually in touch with him via the Internet but he lives upstate and I would love to see him in person. He is one of those dear friends who will always be important in my life and has always been a true friend.

(5) Your favorite memory of that person.
1-Heather - She would laugh and giggle all the time. She was so much fun to be around. We made up a song about the guy we had a crush on in Junior High.
2-Ryan - Going to hardcore shows and he was the first boyfriend who would "defend my honor".
3-Brian - Joking around, making up stupid shit, "stage diving" on Larry or Gerard on the walk to the deli, doing stupid shit in Larry's Impala convertible to make pedestrians laugh.
4-Trish - Kindergarten class, talking too much and getting in trouble for the first time in school.
5-Mal - Hanging out in my pool and talking about music.

hmmmm who to tag?..........
Greg Groovy/Model Citizen (blog encouragement, baby)
Schmoopy
John
anyone who feels like doing it! TAG! YOU'RE IT!!!!!